Oh Joy!
2004-02-09 || did you graduate from the school of booty?
Soundtrack � Yes � Relayer

It feels like spring is here already. I�m not going to get all homoerotic and complain about the cold weather, as frankly, it�s not really that cold anymore. If you actually think this is cold, you should try having colon cancer. They will stick all types of cold metal things inside you.

I stayed in for the majority of the weekend writing a new group of songs, doing some writing on the short story collection thingy, jerking off, smoking marijuana, watching blaxploitation films, and not doing any paper work for my job which I told myself I would do. Let me ask you this though: What�s more exciting to you, evaluating applicants for a job opening in your department, or having orgasms, being high on marijuana and watching colored people being exploited on film with a funk soundtrack? Exactly.

On Saturday night I went out and had some drinks over a soundtrack of The Clash, The Cure, The Strokes, The Jam, and other good music on the jukebox. No one was brave enough to play Gates of Delerium though. I love this Relayer record. It took me a few listens a few years back to �get it�, now I find it as enjoyable as the more popular Yes records.

I can now add to my resume: �Once wrote about Relayer by Yes under a picture of Rudy Ray Moore�

What can you add to your resume? The fact that you are weak and will probably not be loved again if you fuck this one up? The fact that you can�t survive by yourself in the world? The fact that your life has been a series of one sided relationships that would have been better suited for the mirror in your bathroom? Maybe you could add that you lie all the time. You lie to people you don�t need to. You lie when you don�t need to. Maybe you could add something about the time you talked shit about a guy courting a girl so you could win her over instead. Maybe you could add the constant agenda you have for yourself. How about the fact that you can�t talk without contradicting yourself. You can�t win anything, you always fail and lose at everything you do it seems. Sometimes, it seems like you should just stop trying, as everyone else seems to be better at everything than you. The one thing you excel in is being not good at anything. You are great at being a complete loser with no positive qualities whatsoever. You could add you�re like a spider; nobody really likes you, but you kill other things people don�t like, so it�s a fair trade off. Will you spend much time on that chair in your kitchen when it�s all said and done. When you realize you�ve messed up yet again? When you realize you can�t do it anymore. A little brown container of small white pills? A car in the garage with a hose on the muffler coming into the window? A handgun to the temple? A jump of a bridge? Come on, you can come up with something a little more original can�t you? Do you really want to become more of a fucking clich� than you already are? How many lonely cups of coffee and episodes of whatever flavor of the month tv show your watching this year will it take for you to realize it�s now over? There�s really no place else to turn. Try the hard drugs, they�re greeeeeeeeeat! Try alcohol some more. I know how you love the taste. I know how you love the release. Try something new. If you need any help writing this, you can call me at home this week.

Aside from the usual day-to-day rituals now ingrained into my brain. I�ve added �guitar� and �weightlifting� into the regiment.

I just asked the girl in my office I could check out her t-shirt and then realized I was checking out her tits instead. What would Jesus Do?

before & after