Wondering why I have pains in other areas of my body now.

Expression of the day: �Homosexuality Realized�

I have been working tirelessly on the band website this week. I got a new program which I will try tonight, since I�m basically using the rudimentary Geocities Pagebuilder thing now and I�ve exhausted all possible avenues of it without going into cheesy html crap.

I try to imagine a time when we didn�t have this tool called the internet, or when not all of us were so lucky to use it. I vaguely remember hearing about all of this new hardcore music in the early 80�s via word of mouth, and a cousin in a relatively big Boston hardcore band called SSDecontrol. He gave me some tips on records I should go out and buy. I went to Newbury Comics, and remember buying a bag full of records by Jerry�s Kids, the F.U�s, DYS, Faith, Minor Threat, Scream, and a handful of other new shit.

You would go home, listen to your records, like them, or not like them. If you liked them I guess the next step was to find other people into it.

Going to shows every weekend for nearly 6 years or so I made a ton of friends �the old fashioned way�. It�s odd now how easy it is with the internet to meet people and make friends and acquaintances. How quick you can find info on something. Now, if I want to know who played drums for Scared Straight from Oxnard, CA I can look it up on the net and find out within minutes that it was cartoonist Brian Walsby. Actually, I knew that. Sometimes I hate this and miss the old way of doing things. As convenient as this is, it�s devoid of any soul sometimes.

Now, there are hundreds of new people I know, hundreds of new places I�ve been, and hundreds of new things I�ve done since I came online. I wonder though, if I would write as much as I do, and how different it would be if I were writing just to myself as I was before. I have notebooks filled with shit I wrote never thinking anyone would ever see it. Now I write on here mostly, I know there are at least some people reading. Some people I talk to on the phone with every day, or see every day or so, so it makes it a bit different. This is me most of the time, but it also is not me either. Sometimes, with some of the people I meet on here, I wish I could spend a few days in person with them to see how we really are. Not that I care about how I�m looked at, but with the little glimpses of folks I read here and there I know we would have more in common than we think, and then others where I don�t think we have the least bit in common.

Sometimes, like yesterday, I spend the day not talking much, sitting in the sunlight reading my little book in the coffee shop about the war in Iraq from the perspective of an anti-war advocate, and I actually finally feel like myself. It�s the second I open my mouth, or start typing when I feel like a shit.

All of the women have left me because I don�t give enough out.

before & after