It is now cold here today, the goddamned way it should be. It�s fall for Christ sake, I don�t want to see people walking around in bathing suits anymore.

On the way in this morning, I saw this woman carrying this big box that looked real heavy, and was pretty big. She looked pretty distressed that she was carrying it down the sidewalk. Because of the way the box was buckling, and that it looked heavy, I came to the conclusion that the woman had a dead German Shepard in the box. I know she had a dead German Shepard in that box, I could read it in her face. I pulled my car over to see if I could see the tail of the dead German Shepard hanging out of the box, but I couldn�t. I called over to her:

hey, what are you going to do with that dead German Shepard?

excuse me?

I said what are you going to do with that dead German Shepard??

I have no idea what you�re talking about sir.

Yeah right!

I drove off, and immediately made a phone call that I can�t talk about. This woman is in big fucking trouble though.

�live from new york�

it�s Friday night everybody

Friday fucking night

tonight everyone will fuck

everyone will fuck tonight on Friday night

on Saturday night everyone will be fucked up

on Sunday morning though

when I wake up on Sunday morning

I will take another bible

throw it in the toilet and piss all over it

I will take my high school diploma

roll a joint dusted with pcp out of it

I�ll take my cell phone and smash it

throw it against the wall

I�m the david letterman of the cell phone owners circuit

the phone rings

and then someone talks about themselves for 12 minutes

the interviewee never asks david questions

when david talks about raking leaves in his backyard

his favorite ice cream flavor

or his new love interest

they cut to commercial and the guest leaves

they cut me off like this

all the boys are pussy whipped

all the girls are cock whipped

I�m right hand whipped

I have one good idea

But I will not tell anyone about it

before & after