top 5 reasons why that lord of the rings movie sucked:

1) because enya gives me the shivers, was she in this movie? did she write this story and not jrr tolkien?

2) because of the guy hitting me in the leg with a pack of magic cards earlier in the day

3) because white people need to die

4) ice cream and fantasy role playing do not mix

5) when tony soprano comes on at 9pm, and they are in a forest with these Aryan mulleted elf fucks with bow and arrows, you hit the button that says �stop� and wipe your brow

top 5 reasons why my adventures outside were good yesterday

1) I got that modest mouse CD I wanted

2) I got hit in the leg with a pack of Magic the Gathering cards while waiting in line to buy the cd, and I turned around, and chopped off this guys head with my +89 magic fire sword, and said �thou shalt not touch thy leg with those cards of celibacy!!!�

3) I got too high and ended up driving behind a police car getting more high with the attitude of �he�s not going to notice me unless he specifically looks in his rear view mirror to see if someone is getting high behind him�

4) I got to hear that Ryan Adams CD in the store and decide that I don�t need to get tricked into buying one of his cd�s yet again.

5) Blow jobs in downtown Lowell are now $15!!!

top 5 reasons why I will murder a puppy tonight:

1) the new car smell is gone

2) they are out of veal at the restaurant I frequent

3) jesus Christ, forgive me

4) I will forgive you

5) my name is Christian, I will not let you down Jesus

Who knows what lurks inside me right now. I don�t. I like to think that improvisational, day by day living is the way to go if I want to get anything done. I don�t like the planning and the this and the that. I am on my schedule now, and I don�t give two fucks about anyone else and their schedule. Fuck you and Jesus Christ the cocksucker. I�ve been wandering around like Moses for the last few weeks. If nobody is going to pay attention to anything I say, well then. Fuck. I need to get out of here. I�m going to Cleveland. Actually, I�m just going to Niagra Falls. Maybe I will finally make it to Atlanta. I just bought a train ticket to Denver last night. So that is where I am going. Denver and Detroit are right next to each other the map says. Detroit is where everyone gets killed and clown posses and pieces of useless shit like eminem get birthed. fuck hip-hop music and all it stands for. fuck white people and all they stand for. I talked to my friend in New Haven Connecticut, and I am going to go see her in a week or two to hang out and catch up on old gossip and marijuana smoking and crack torch ignition. Why anyone wants to come over and see the new place. I have spider plants.

It was nice out, and we left in the late afternoon. Far too late for my liking. I like to arrive early. I like to finish before it starts. We got up there fairly quick. What a place. Ceilings of paintings and and hippies with dreadlocks and shitty smelling women with tits and corduroys and fucking out in the van. The music starts and it�s dark and I am sober. I feel like Don Knotts in the dark standing there. The keyboard and drummer are cacophonous and the bass player is stretching his fingers. Is that spiderman and shit? I stood in a kitchen and talked to these motherfuckers a few months ago, and now they are exciting the hippies and people dance like assholes. You know what? Fuck dancing. People who dance will now be shot in the face repeatedly. I think dancing needs to be outlawed like that movie with Kevin Bacon called Fame. I mean Saturday Night Live or fucking dirty dancing with Patrick swayze and that fucking woman with the ugly nose. footloose, I know you fucking shithead. I will outlaw cdanciong neciase I think idanins annoyins me and I dnosnt likek henw peollps toush me and I hjhst thikns thte I want to xpriensmence the lksious musicns n theths snenstation of mhiume ahaving a godkkkos timkie I do not wntna to to to to have to fucking hwtaht aw my slelff and thmend hevae to gohmoeanndn tkea a shower benacasu ei dono�t whahat to havevaevt t do it!!!!!I thknik peolsppels who owdons�t foloowlowo this rulslelslwithwmsk hanve tobsn ekilles nand ai thinsjk shtt af I ned evety ro to go to this concerts live in concert!

before & after