Upon sitting down at my desk, I realized I hadn�t eaten all day. It was 4:05 AM and the last time I ate was about 19 hours earlier. I sat out in the car all day and hung out there. �if I can�t go on the road, I�ll make believe I�m on the road� was basically the philosophy behind sitting in the car out in my parking space all day. That, and just to see if I could do it without losing my mind. The only rule was, I can�t read anything while sitting in the car. I�m �driving�, so I�m just sitting in a parked car, staring ahead of me from 10AM until 5pm, and then from 5:30 to 10:00 pm, and then from 10:15 to 4:00 AM. It worked! I didn�t go nuts, it was relaxing. I of course had music, it was kind of nice out, so I didn�t have to have the heat on, or the air conditioner. This is why I did it at the time of the year I did do it. So I get back to my desk in the house after all of this and feel a little sick. I ended up throwing up in my little trash bucket that�s reserved for bent staples, old cigarette butts, and child pornography pictures I send through the shredder after I scan them and post them on the internet. I turned my word processor on, and the only thing it said was �hard copy�. Fuck.

$fuck the voices and the monsters and the creatures that lurk in my back yard and haunt me from night to night fuck all the women that haunt me in my head from night to night and fuck the death monsters that enter into my head and speak voices about killing people and murdering and killing I will kill all of the motherfucking motherfucking motherfuckers that fuck with me from here on out I have no more time for this I have no more time to look at them I have no more time to put on an act the way it is is this fuck you the way it is is this fuck you$

It is Monday and I still feel like I could totally destroy every fucking thing around me I thought the weekend was supposed to make you relaxed. I thought if you went away for a weekend it would make you feel relaxed. I still want to kill. I want to throw my guitar across the room and smash it into a million fucking pieces. I want to kill Jesus Christ. Jesus has let me down again the mother fucker. Anyone who believes in God is a fucking moron. Christians, Jews, Muslims, what a bunch of fucking mygodcanbeatupyourgod bullshit that is. Take it on a personal level, and shut up about it already.

I love Jesus though.

ourfatehrwhoartinheavenhallowedbethynamethykingdomcomethywillbedoneasearthasitisinheaven

I want to introduce myself to you, but I have no idea how to. What are you into? You give off signals and that kind of thing, but like me, you don�t show anything else. You are not a guaranteed heart break like every single otherfuckingwomaninthefuckingworld

youy are not a fuc

fuck this�

before & after