It is now evident to me that traffic lights are the bane of my existence. Traffic lights do not put me in any kind of control. Traffic lights are going to have me killed eventually. I wish there were 4 way stop signs at every intersection instead of lights. Today, over and over in the car, I pictured going through a green light, and seeing an image of a huge 18-wheeler truck running the red light and smashing into me. I pictured a motorcycle running a red light, and the driver coming through the window and killing the passenger in my car. I like the stop signs, because I get to go when I feel comfortable. I don�t want to drive in my car anymore because of this. I want to sit in here and hope nobody comes in and tries to kill me, which happens. I will not fly on an airplane, because when people fly on airplanes, they get in airplane crashes and everyone dies. Remember, there are no winners in an airplane/famous pair of skyscrapers collision. The only winner will be George W. Bush, when we rid the world of terrorism for doing that. He will look in the mirror the morning when they announce on the news that the world has been rid of terrorism, and say �I am a fucking winner, I think I will go fuck my wife. I�ve literally just rid the world of terrorism, now I will fuck my wife.� Imagine the power. Boats sink in the ocean, and everybody drowns on the boat, and dies because they drowned in a boat that sank. The last time I was on a boat, I took a ferry to Long Island. It stayed what appeared close enough to the shore where if it did start to sink, we would all be able to swim to shore. It looked like about a 2 hour swim. If you go outside in the city, there are crazy people that walk around with weapons, guns, knives, rope, fists, liquids. There are bad men in the city that will take your life if you even look at them wrong. There are people in the city that literally follow people around, just waiting to kill them. If you go out to eat in restaurants, there�s a good chance you could be poisoned by the chef. I once saw on TV where a guy working in a restaurant would just poison people who came in to eat in his restaurant. I like the control of the stop sign, it�s less a gamble than the green light. When you drive through a green light, you probably feel safe. When I drive through a green light my whole life flashes before my eyes, and I usually close my eyes so it won�t hurt as much when the giant monster truck comes through the intersection into my car to make sure I get killed for going through a green light. I should not be killed because I wanted to go through a green light.

Apparently, I need to be someone different every night. Fuck I have so little to do with myself anymore. I don�t spend any time just doing things like thinking of murdering and thinking of all of the lies all of them have told me. I am forced to lie over and over again. They told me in the class that as long as I just kept lying and making believe I am a sweet boy, I could get anything I wanted, and I could lie still and do things behind backs that nobody would ever find out about. Imagine if I told them what I did back in May? I pay high amounts of cash to make sure people just shut up and don�t say anything. I bribe you baby. Don�t ever say a fucking word, I swear to fucking god I�ll strangle you.

I would not go into the woods and get attacked by a bear. I will never go in the woods, as there are animals there that kill human beings with claws and big scary teeth that are sharp like razors. If you go into the woods, you will most likely be killed by a bear. Nobody has ever gone camping twice.

They had a baby, and he threw it all away. His whole life was thrown away because he decided to start up with the program again. The regimen.

They don�t understand if you explain things. Fuck them all, all of them. I have ideas and I have things I have set up on the floor that map out every single day of my life for the next ten years. At the end of it, I will drive my car into a tree. I wanted to do that for a few days in a row last week. Fortunately, I feel like I can squeeze another ten years. Tonight, I took my Gibson SG, and threw it through the window, on to the gravel below my window because the motherfucker is a motherfucker. Fuck that guitar and all of it�s fucking history. I fucking killed that guitar today, and I will not take another fucking day of this shit from every single fucking person I know. Everyone continues to lie, or tell me a different story. It�s a good thing I don�t talk anymore. People do though, I�ve heard it all now. Folks are never careful as to who they talk to, and I end up getting the WHOLE story. Because fucking asshole women need to make up shit, because they need to LIE, they ignore me at this point. -because they need to LIE because they need to LIE because they need to LIE because they need to LIE because they need to LIE because they need to LIE because they need to LIE because they need to LIE because they need to LIE because they need to LIE because they need to LIE because they need to LIE because they need to LIE because they need to LIE because they need to LIE because they need to LIE because they need to LIE because they need to LIE because they need to LIE because they need to LIE- why? I never lied I never cheated I never did any of that shit why do they continue every single one of them they have a book they read from that tells them they need to do this to me they then lie and cheat and lie and cheat and I continue to never trust anyone again - because they need to LIE because they need to LIE because they need to LIE because they need to LIE because they need to LIE because they need to LIE because they need to LIE because they need to LIE because they need to LIE-

If you make friends, or start relationships with people you will be killed. Don�t ever tell anyone what you�re thinking. Try this for a year and see what happens. They will keep lying to you, but you will also be lying. Honesty, is never the best policy. I never could have written the songs I�ve written if I wasn�t such a fucking liar.

If you make friends, or start relationships with people you will be killed. This is the only thing you need to remember if you want to live forever.

before & after