It�s piss warm in this office today, as the doors are open, and there are men putting wires in and all sorts of shit like that. We will have central air conditioning in here shortly, which is exciting. I feel like I could lie down and fall asleep right now. This weekend is filled with vacations of what seems like everyone I know.

For some reason on the way to work this morning, I decided to drive 90 mph for a good chunk of it. I like speeding like that sometimes. If the road is empty, as it often is during my work start time (10:00), you get a great view of the Boston Skyline at one point, and it looks even better when you are approaching it at 90 mph. I�ll tell you what else looks good approaching at 90 mph. The age 33 does. Fuck the motherfuckers that are bitching that they just turned 25, or 26 or whatever. I don�t think I�d want to be younger at this point. Most seem to be scared to admit their age, or depressed. Whatever. I have other things to worry about than how old I am.

I feel like I could throw up right now. I�m currently overwhelmed with feelings, and overwhelmed with the feeling I have windows of opportunity that open and close daily. I feel like I am someone different yet again. I kind of like the reinvention of myself that takes place on a day to day basis, but I�d like some consistency. My general being is happy right now. Happier than I�ve been in quite a while. I�m not scared of the thunder, just the lightning.

This is how it usually goes down: I wake up and sit at the end of the bed. I have to think for a minute before I stand up, shake the dead asleep left hand awake. The shower is often where the seed will be planted. By the time I get in the car, it�s grown into something uglier. The first person that does something illogical with their car that is detrimental to my drive adds a little more fuel to the fire, and now begins the physical part of it. The stomach starts becoming knotted and my head turns around a little bit. By the afternoon, the stomach is wretched and directly connected to my brain. It fills me up, and I feel anxious, and lethargic at the same time. I feel like I could literally drive my car into another car. Sometimes, it doesn�t get planted when I am just thinking to myself in the shower in the morning. It comes on all of a sudden. 10 minutes into writing this, I feel like I want to murder and destroy everything around me. I felt so nice, and comfortable last night, and now, I feel like I am going to ruin this desk.

fire, everyone please leave the building in an orderly fashion, thanks.

before & after