� Ted Danson sort of rhymes with Charles Manson. If I had the chance, I think I would remove Ted Dansons voice box, and then maybe saw off one of his feet. Which foot of Ted Danson would you saw off? I�m thinking the right, as he�s most likely a righty, as you can tell from his big smile.

� I don�t like the smell of alcohol on the breath, it�s very unflattering. I do however like to think of what foot of Ted Danson I would cut off.

� I took a trip, as I take trips. Fuck.

� The shadow of the old woman on the wall sent shivers down my spine. Shivers like the first time in your life you are ever really, really scared. I can remember one of the first times I was very scared. I saw a commercial as a little boy for the movie The Exorcist. It was the back of a woman combing her hair, and then the chair turns around and the woman�s face is a SKULL!!!!! BLLLAAAAHHHHOOOOWWWW!!!!!!!! SKULL OF DEATH!! DON�T HURT ME OH SKULL OF DEATH SCARING THE LITTLE KIDNESS OUT OF MY LITTLE BODY!! OH SKULL OF DEATH, IF YOU WERE HERE WITH ME DO YOU THINK YOU WOULD TELL ME WHICH FOOT OF TED DANSON YOU WOULD SAW OFF??

� We went to the house and they were drinking. I hate the way you can see through everything like very clean glass there. With the ice cold water, you can tell where everyone will be within an hour or, the end of the night. You can sort of sit in the corner and take it all in. I�m deciding now, right now, that the beer, the hard liquor, it�s not good. Not that I ever thought so, but the way I see them act is so funny sometimes. I hate to think I act like that on occasion. Drooling. Foolish, and loud. No rules are followed. Don�t call me a hypocrite you fucker, I can turn it on and off, that�s all it is. Most people are too weak to turn the faucet on, and off, they always have some sort of drip.

� A long time ago, when I was a little boy. And I forget this story often, and I swear it�s true. If this story is not true, may Ted Danson continue on with both feet! We were little kids, and the father worked in show business. At one point we went to some Cheech and Chong private party. We didn�t get to meet either of them, as it was at a club, and they were most likely in a VIP room or something. For the majority of the night, I hung out with Tommy Chong�s daughter �with a funny name�, as I called her after that. It turns out it was Rae Dawn Chong, the actress. I just remembered that, as I flipped through a movie with her in it. Has she ever been in a good movie? Has there ever been a good reason Ted Danson needs both of those feet?

� The weekend was filled with ups and downs. Today was good and fruitful though. I wonder how Ted Danson�s weekend would go if he ran into me and I sawed one of his feet off?

� Even though I eluded to the contrary in my last entry here, I am looking forward to practice on Tuesday night this week. Lately I�ve been entrenching myself in music, I think I�m going a bit mad. When I stop and think, I rarely spend a minute of the day not listening to, or playing music. I like it this way. I like seeing music live again, well the type I�ve been going to see. I make bitter comments about not wanting to see bands �just play their songs�, as I�ve been spoiled with improvisational stuff, but for the most part, I�ve seen some good bands in the past year that just played their songs: okay I can�t think of any right now, but, yeah. I�ve also met 4 musicians now that are big influences, or came from influences of other artists I was into: al from moe., marc ribot, john medeski, and chris wood. It�s amazing to just say hello to someone and realize they are just a normal person (okay, Ribot was kind of strange). Anyway, I have a few others I need to meet and I�ll be happy. I do not want to meet Ted Danson, as if I did, I would cut one of his feet off.

� Today in the news it said that the plane that crashed the other day snapped in half in mid air. Now how much would that suck? And then, then, then, Dan �Evil Non Heterosexual Army� Scanzilla would have hated this, a barge hit a bridge and a bunch of cars �plunged into the river�. Fuck. Dan would be so pissed. Speaking of piss, I once went over a bridge where Scanny Bear almost pissed his pants, although I think he did, he tried to lie, and spilled the diet root beer he was drinking on his pants to make it look like that�s what the wetness on his crotch area was. But let�s get back to this fucking bridge. I swear to fucking Jesus Christ that I would fucking swear to fucking Jesus Christ if that happened to me. If I �plunged into the river�. I can�t swim. Well I can, I just can�t get out of a car when it�s under water very well. I never learned it. Ashley Judd on the other hand, can. I saw a movie called �Double Jeopardy� and she plunged in the water fucking handcuffed to the fucking car, and got out of the fucking water, I think with the help of Tommy Lee �my face looks worse than Bryan Adams, Edward James Olmos and the beardless �60�s era� Jerry Garcia� Jones. I was happy to see that happen, as I would welcome another Ashley Judd film to watch on cable.

� If I were to bring him to court, here would be what the judge would say �Ted Danson, you are guilty of the following charges: Made in America, Three Men and A Baby, She�s Having a Baby, Three Men and a Little Lady, Gulliver�s Travels, and Cheers�oh, and for presumably fucking Whoopi Goldberg. The sentence is loss of foot. One of your feet will be sawed off by Christian�

before & after