soundtrack � Louis Armstrong � let�s do it

sometimes you just have to say �breaux, calm down, what�s the big deal?�

I manage to do at least one unsettling, obnoxious thing a day, this keeps the consistency in my life real. I always need to do something dumb to get attention. Take this morning for instance on the way into work. So there I am driving having just got my coffee for the morning, I take a sip and it tastes like shit. I literally have 40 cents on me, so getting another cup would involve going to an ATM, and going to another coffee place. I decide to just hold on to it, maybe it will taste better when I get to work. So there I am driving, I throw the Oswego Runaway Jim on the deck and I�m making good time. As I get onto Centennial Drive, some guy in a brand new sporty Mercedes cuts me off. I lay on the horn, and swerve around him towards my entrance to 128. Fucker. I get on the ramp, and I look in my rear view mirror it�s Mr Mercedes, driving right on my ass�on purpose. If there�s anything I really, really hate, it�s being tail-gated. The other thing I really hate is a shitty cup of coffee. How do you dispose of these two morning roadblocks in one fast sweep? You roll the window down, pick up thy coffee with your right hand, grab it by the bottom, lift it into the air, and let go. The next thing you do, is look at the brand fucking new gray Mercedes a foot from my car in the rear view mirror. You watch the cup connect with the hood of said Mercedes, a little brake slamming/swerving, and, abracadabra, both problems are solved immediately. So I continue on my way to work, and this guy in the suit in the Mercedes, who obviously didn�t learn the lesson I tried to teach him, starts tailing me again, and then pulls up beside me, honking and waving and screaming. I did not once look over at him. I lit a cigarette, and continued on my way to work thinking of how many times this guy could probably have his car washed on a days pay and laughed to myself as I made my exit without a blinker and lost the guy who probably saw that new Samuel L. Jackson/Ben Affleck movie and figured he won. I was obviously the victor in this case. I am now 4-1 with these. The one time I missed a car with a beverage my car broke down simultaneously, which was embarrassing.

I don�t hate people anymore, but I do admit I like to make people feel uncomfortable sometimes. It�s fun to do some of these things, as for the most part, people seem insecure. Especially friends, if you�re out somewhere and you start yelling and acting like a shit head, usually friends will make believe they don�t know me. I think people are just too boring nowadays, they need a little excitement. Had I not thrown my coffee all over that guys car, his day would have been so normal today. He would have smiled at the receptionist, greeted a couple of the other guys in the firm. As it stands now, he went into work, ignored the poor receptionist (like he always does when he�s pissed off), we was probably steaming for the first couple of hours of work telling clients to call him back, etc. The fast paced, exciting life of a corporate guy was pissed on briefly this morning. Now I sit here at work, mocking him. I hope on his way home tonight, he swerves into an oncoming truck or something because he had a shitty day. Or better yet, I hope his wife divorces him when he gets home from work tonight. The death thing is a little harsh for him. He needs to just feel miserable. Making his wife feel miserable wouldn�t help the situation.

So over the weekend I went away to Philadelphia with a couple of friends. We were going to see a gig down there, with the possibility of some other sight seeing. Arriving at the venue on the first night were lots of sketchy black guys all over the place. This is the one thing I remember from the last time I was in the city of brotherly love. Well, last time, there were sketchy black guys, and sketchy white guys. This time though, all sketchy black guys. We get to the venue from where we were staying, in a neighboring suburb, and the place is in a real shitty area. I get patted down at the door, and the guy pulls two joints out of my pocket and takes them. I tell him to enjoy them, and go into the show, still high from what I had on the way to the venue. The crowd was thick with younger 20 something�s, interspersed with old guys like me. At one point the guy from Blues Traveler came out and blew the harp for the rest of the gig. This was pretty cool, but I wasn�t that into it. The next day we decide we need to got to Atlantic City, NJ, It�s only an hour away. So we did, and then we drove back to the venue the next night to see the show again. We then decided we didn�t need to see the show again, so we made our way back to Atlantic City, where a long evening of debauchery began�and lasted until about 6 in the morning. I�d have to say, that place is very depressing, and fun at the same time. I�ve been there a few times now, and it always freaks me out how run down it is on one side of the street, and on the other side of the street people are throwing money away like discarded cigarette butts. Anyway, we joined the festivities for a bit, and took some pictures to record the events. I need to do more traveling this summer. I kind of like these little weekend trips as opposed to the two week outings that take a lot out of a person mentally. It�s my only real relaxed time.

4/25/02

I had possibly the worst practice with the band I have ever had last night. I think I was nervous because I was calling Angela when I got out, who I hadn�t talked to since we broke up in March. The phone call turned out okay, and I�m happy we talked. That is all I will say about that in here though thank you. So I could not play the guitar for the life of me last night, I was missing cues, and playing out of key, and generally not giving it 100%. It�s strange how things like that can effect my guitar playing, which normally seems to just flow out at this point. There have been instances, and Breaux mentioned this yesterday actually, where you reach a point when we are improvising where you get lost in the music, and everyone is doing something different, but it all works. I think this is when it�s �on�. Last night, they were on, I was off. Oh well.

I have a headache here today, and I am planning on staying out until 3am tonight at the club, watching the music unfold before my eyes. I can�t imagine ever going to see any music at this point that isn�t at least partly based on improvisation. It amazes me to watch a band do it, and to do it myself in our band, I now know why people do it. It�s a liberating thing, especially if you have the right chemistry. At this point, I don�t think we could call ourselves presley if one of us left, or if we added another member. I think 4 people is enough. We�ve thought of going the keyboard route, but at this point, if that ever happened, it would be Breaux or I playing it during jams. I can�t imagine adding keyboards to our actual song bodies, everyone is doing that now.

It seems people don�t pay attention anymore. I am getting really tired of this trait in people. Lack of attention to detail, and lack of motivation. It�s funny how lazy I am generally. But, my memory is good I think. If someone asks me for something, I generally get it done I think, even if it takes me longer. I always remember details. It amazes me how generally unprepared people are around me. I�m at the point now, where I give up. I�m not making phone calls. I�m not giving in. I�m not going out of my way to satisfy anyone now. I�m in a generally good mood right now, and I�m not going to let the bad parts of everyone get me into a negative mindset. I am in more need of Lithium right now. It�s scary not having it, and seeing how much of a see-saw I really am. It�s also quite interesting, as I could go back and read all of these entries and can see �didn�t have it that day� �had it this day�.

I was reading some diary reviewing site, and was wondering why they don�t grade for �is this like a diary?�. It seems like the answer is generally no. Sure, I know a couple people are reading this fucking thing, but I always make an effort to not talk TO anyone. This was written for me, if you don�t like it, go read a fucking magazine.

before & after