Imagine how funny it would be if we all decided not to celebrate Christmas this year? I decided today that the people I see every day, on the way to work, in work, in life, etc. Aren�t that bad after all. I guess it�s the people I don�t see often, the ones who call when they need a favor, need to bitch, or need to ask me a question ( �Christian, do you know who the side men were on Eddie �Lockjaw� Davis� album �Tenor Scene�?�, �Obviously�). I have no time for these folks anymore, I don�t have time to breath, let alone�forget it.

So I was thinking how I am always talking about �the rock and roll�, etc. in here. Now, I see in the rock magazines, that there is a revival of rock and roll. I wasn�t aware it went away I guess. So now they are handpicking these awful fucking bands who are playing �Bare to the bones, Stoogesesque, Stonesesque rock music� The Strokes, The Black Rebel Motorcycle Club (win the award for stupidest fucking band name on the face of the earth), White Stripes, the Hellacopters, etc. All of these bands are so fucking tedious. What is the fucking point? I don�t hear an ounce of anything interesting in any of these groups except a buzzing in my ear that won�t go away until I take the CD out of the player�or turn the channel and find something that IS good, like�I don�t know something better than any of those bands. Don�t waste your money, or time, go out and buy Funhouse by the Stooges, or Let it Bleed.

So I rented some fucking movies last night, don�t ask me what they are, as it doesn�t really fucking matter what movies they were, okay, one was directed by Joel Coen, one was directed by David Cronenberg, and the other was a Michael Douglas critically acclaimed movie I�ve wanted to see for a while. So I bring the fucking DVD�s up to the counter and the fuck says �this is one of my favorite movies of all time� referring to one of the three movies that I�ve now placed on the counter to check out so I can go home and watch them. I reply, �me too, I haven�t seen it in a while� He says �REALLY??� with this attitude. I�m like �No, I haven�t seen it in a while, have you seen a naked woman before? What the fuck?� Now I�m upset, so I go outside and I see a dead flamingo on the ground. I put the movies in my 1997 blue Toyota Camry (passenger side, front seat), and grab the dead flamingo. I run back into the video store and start yelling: �do you people know how much you annoy me, so much that I am going to take this dead flamingo I have in my hands and dismember it on the floor here, then I am going to offer the body parts to the ghost of Jim Morrison!!!!�. I then throw the dead flamingo on the ground and think about how flamingos in Massachusetts are generally not that pink. So I pull out my hunting knife, and all these people are looking at me, and I stab the flamingo, and guess what? The fucking thing was fake! It was a plastic flamingo! Who the fuck ever heard of a plastic flamingo? So I run back outside and start looking around on the ground until I find a real flamingo. It�s dead. So I run back into the video store with the new dead, real flamingo and hold it up and give them the spiel again �Sorry, that was a fake flamingo, someone tried to pull one over on me, anyway, I am now going to dismember this dead flamingo right here! Right now!� I start dismembering the flamingo on the floor, and all of a sudden a Parakeet with Hodgkins disease, and a Bob Seger t-shirt walks in and starts yelling at me. And the fires and souls of all of the rock and rollers from heaven and hell came into my soul, and I burst into flames right there. Fuck.

The practice with the rock band was pretty good last night, it was loud and heavy metalicated. Must be the Emperor influence we have now. Big fucking black metal guitar solo gets happening. Whitala whitala whitala��.! Rock it now. I think at this point no band will be able to go on after us next week, it will be too powerful for them to handle, and they will feel weak willed and filled with fear of electric guitar solos�solos of guitar s playing and shit.

So I think that this whole anthrax thing has been , wait I don�t want to write about that shit�.

It�s 80 degrees out, and there are a group of people in the office with me today working and shit. you ever get like a group of people like working and shit? Screeching saxophones go unnoticed for twenty minutes until someone exclaims that Ornette Coleman doesn�t have the experience to work in an office environment. I reply that with the cacophony comes inner peace, just pay attention, or let it pass through you. Nobody truly understands it, I think when you eat just ice cream and cheeseburgers all your life, curry and falafel are going to taste like crap to you on first taste. I so do not want to have to explain this to you.

Why did George Bush make those planes crash into all those buildings? The supreme court got in an airplane and crashed into some buildings and killed a bunch of people. Those goddamned Republican cocksuckers.

So I decided that on Halloween, I guess I shouldn�t tell, because now people will know, I am going to dress up, and go out and cause havoc. I figure I will have a mask on, so I can kill people with fire and knives!

Back when I was a kid I dressed up like Gene Simmons for Halloween. Back when I was an adult, I dressed up like a kid for Halloween. Who cares anyway. Imagine if I fucking killed you.

Walk slowly towards the back of the room, and don�t turnaround. Yes, that�s what it was, I had a dream last night, but I couldn�t remember it. I got shot.

You�re soaking in it!

before & after