It is a good day out when the car does not shake and tremble like a scared old woman who�s pocket book you�ve just swiped.

It feels like the rock and roll is inside the guitar and it needs to escape via �guitar solo�

It�s a sunny day out today, I feel a little chilly, and work feels �easy�

Electric guitar, turn it up! It�s an electric guitar, turn the fucking thing UP!

I got the new Emperor CD. It is �fucking sick� as they say back in Cleveland.

Hello Cleveland, let�s hear it for electric guitars!

When I was growing up in Cleveland, they had this joke it went like this: 3 motherfucking cocksuckers walk into a bar and just start punching dudes in the face.

Never punch the dude with the electric guitar in the face

I grew up in Cleveland, well, outside of Cleveland. We had many jokes we told, and stories about ghosts and monsters. There was a story called �The 71 faced Ghost of Cleveland� It went like this: There was a ghost in Cleveland, it had 71 different faces. The ghost went around and scared people half to death with all of it�s faces. One day, the ghost with 71 different faces met a guy named Phil. The guy named Phil punched the ghost with 71 faces in the face, and then realized that he would have to punch 70 more faces, so he actually ran away instead of having to deal with punching a ghost with 71 faces(one already punched one) in the face 70 more times to make sure he got all the faces nice and punched. So he ran and ran down the side of the river towards the little open theatre where a small group was performing Oklahoma! He then turned around during �Surrey with the Fringe on Top� because he thought to himself �wait a minute, it�s a ghost, when you punch it your hand just goes through it anyway, I�ll go back and get those 70 other faces. He ran and ran up the side of the river looking for the ghost. The ghost left though, it was sick of waiting around for Phil. While running though, the ghost decided to go back and get Phil. Finally, they ran into each other in a small wooded area which had one squirrel eating a nut, and a bunch of twigs and pine needles. The ghost killed Phil! Fortunately for Phil, he had got a �free guy� a little bit earlier in the day, so he came back to life to punch the 71 faces (the original one he had punched had healed while Phil was running down the side of the river)! Phil punched all 71 faces and ran home! Phil fucked up the ghost with 71 faces and ran towards his home singing:

Chicks and ducks and geese better scurry when I take you out in the surrey,

When I take you out in the surrey with the fringe on top.

Watch that fringe and see how it flutters when I drive them high steppin' strutters,

Nosy folks will peep through the shutters and their eyes will pop.

Those wheels are yellow, the upholstery's brown, the dashboard's genuine leather.

With nice bright curtains that can roll right down in case there's a change in the weather.

Two bright side lights winking and blinkin, ain't no finer rig I'm a-thinking,

You can keep your rig if you're thinking that I care to swap

For that shiny little surrey with the fringe on the top.

(Would you say the fringe was made of silk?) Wouldn't have no other kind but silk.

(Has it really got a team of snow-white horses?)

One's like snow, the others more like milk (so you can tell `em apart)

All the world would fly in a flurry, when I take you out in the surrey,

When I take you out in the surrey with the fringe on top.

When we hit that road hell for leather, cats and dogs all dance in the heather.

Birds and frogs will sing all together and the toads will hop.

The wind will whistle as we rattle along, the cows will moo in the clover

The river will ripple out a whispered song, and whisper it over and over.

Don't you wish you'd go on forever, don't wish you'd go on forever,

Don't you wish you'd go on forever and would never stop

In that shiny little surrey with fringe on the top

Unfortunately, Phil failed to realize that the ghost with 71 faces was a ghost and you can�t kill ghosts, so the ghost went to Phil�s house in the middle of the night and killed Phil for the last time! The ghost then took Phil�s face and became known as the Ghost with 72 faces!

If an electric guitar makes a sound in a forest, will anyone hear it?

I have a birthday coming up, I am going to be 26 years old, I�m fucking psyched.

This electric guitar is gonna sing a song for you it�s called �I�m an electric guitar, and I�m gonna sing to you!�

This weekend I have some surprise foods that are going to be cooked. Cocksuckers will not know what to think about anything.

Electric guitars play rock music when you pick them up and turn them up loud.

My favorite song by Black Sabbath with Ronnie Dio singing is a number called �Turn Up The Night�. I so fucking agree with that. Shit just needs to be fucking turned up.

You play the electric guitar? No? Well fuck you then!

Turn up the night indeed! I�ll see you all at the TJ Max Christmas party this year! I�ll be the guy hitting on your wife.

before & after