So now that Autumn has hit us, we are up against a few things:

1) Halloween � Now that I�m not�.ten years old, this holiday isn�t doing anything good for me, especially living in Salem. Do me a favor, stay out this year! No offense for the few people out there that like to party and dress up like an asshole, but I like to get home when work gets out, not sit in traffic so people can walk around Salem and�do nothing. This year Salem is ready though. Last night, driving through downtown I noticed a new pizza place, called Transylvania Pizza! What the fuck are you people thinking? I suppose you go in there and there�s some asshole with blue hair and his eyebrow pierced making my pizza. Sorry, I want only big fat old Italian guys making my pizza, not some kid who goes by the nickname of �The Dark Overlord of Opression, Depression, and all around loserdom� . Thankfully, where I live now, no trick-or-treaters come by the house. How many people are going to get their asses kicked this year because they decide to dress up as Osama Bin Laden?

2) Leaf Peepers � These folks need to be thrown into a fireplace.

3) Rock Concerts � There are always a good number of rock concerts for a motherfucker to go to. I just read somewhere that Led Zeppelin is coming.

4) Transylvania Pizza � This place is blowing up this fall.

5) Dan Scandalis� guitar playing � This fall should bring out rock and roll sounds never before heard from the guitar of Daniel �homoerotic metal god(dess)� Scandalis

6) Heavy Metal � There will like be some serious heavy metal starting to come out and come out and shit this fall.

7) The Phantom Menace on DVD � More reasons for boys to not experience a vagina.

8) Blow Jobs � Everyone gets a good amount of blow jobs in the fall.

9) The Miles Davis In a Silent Way Complete Sessions CD box set on Columbia Records � This should give me something to be excited about after the blow jobs and the rock concerts.

10) Yellow Loops on the back of shirts � These loops are coming back in style this fall, I just read about it in the new Cosmo.

before & after