Oh Joy!
2001-09-06 || who told you?
Soundtrack � PJ Harvey � whatever the name of the new one is

At work trying to figure out why I have not a bit of energy in me currently. I feel like I have (damn this motherfucker talks so fucking loud on the phone! Why do people yell into telephones? Why the fuck do motherfuckers talk so loud on a telephone? The shit is a microphone and shit, so why yell into the motherfucker?) mono or something. The band has a gig next Monday finally (and the motherfuckers in the other place. I walk by this motherfucker who I already thought was a little sketchy in the first place and said a little �hello� and waved to him,. The motherfucker looked right through me! I hate fools like that! People who just ignore you when a motherfucker is just trying to be friendly. I�ll show you friendly, let�s compare paychecks motherfucker. Now who�s the motherfucker? If you need a buck-fifty for a cheeseburger, I ain�t the motherfucker you need to come see) at the place in Allston where the electricity went out that one time. I think it should be a good gig. We haven�t rehearsed in a couple of weeks, and I think we will have two before the show, so we should get into the swing of things. As long as the other members of the band don�t wear any lame ass non-heterosexual striped collared shirts that we used to beat kids up for wearing (I remember in the 5th grade I was wearing one of these motherfuckers and I got a shitload of shit from some other motherfuckers. These motherfuckers started yelling and screaming at me, so I went after one of them and kicked the motherfucker in the balls, and then a motherfucker came at me with a motherfucking book bag! Fuck that, I kicked him in the balls too! I still follow this same creed, I ain�t a fighting person at all, and never will be. If some motherfucker came up to me and started pushing me or wanted to fight, etc. I would just kick him in the balls and when he fell, I would kick him in the balls again, and again, and again. Some would say this is cheap or not within �fightin rules�, FUCK THAT, IF A MOTHERFUCKER is lame enough to fight in general after age 10 then they deserve to be kicked in the balls, and then when they fall on the ground, they need to be kicked in the balls again, and again, and again. I don�t care how fucking damaging it is to a motherfucker. I play the guitar I ain�t got time for a motherfucker to get punched in the face from me and my hand. I got better things to do than fight. Motherfuckers who fight are generally motherfuckers that have sex with people of the same sex. So I kicked all the fellow ten-year old motherfuckers in the balls, and they called me a cheap fighter and shit, and I had one thing to say to them I said �My hands are in the same shape they were this morning, your balls are not, when I get home tonight, me and my healthy hands and balls will be beating off to the Farrah Fawcett poster in my bedroom, while you motherfuckers contemplate fucking with a motherfucker because of the shirt he�s wearing.� Years later, in high school I threw a chair at this mother fucker in �computer class� [which consisted of some shitty programming shit like making the words go up and down the screen, etc] because he was talking shit. He had one of those stupid striped shirts on. So at that point, I realized why those kids in 5th grade wanted to kick my ass, it�s because those shirts are fucking stupid looking! I ran into the drummer of my band the other night and he was wearing one. I�m thinking to my self, is this dude carrying a motherfucking calculator in his back pocket? Is this dude psyched for the next Star Wars movie? Is this dude about to have sex with another dude? There is no excuse for motherfuckers to be wearing shirts like that anymore. It�s the year 2001, people stopped dressing like that in the general population when leather pants were invented�and non-heterosexuals were introduced to a whole new fashion style. Give it up, you dudes with those shirts, and this �indie-rock� look. The only chicks you�re gonna get are chicks with dicks. ) that they seem to all wear on different occasions. The gig hopefully will go well though, as we love playing in Allston, or at least I do.

So I wanted to write about something silly. Pornography. Or better yet, the dialog in porno movies. The first example I want to talk about is this one:

1) Two women on a couch one says �Let me see that pussy I�ve been hearing so much about�, to which the other woman replies �Who told you �bout my pussy?� The one who wanted to see said pussy is already �checking out the pussy� so she doesn�t really answer, leaving the viewer hanging. Who did tell her about the pussy? What did they tell her about the pussy? That it was an amazing pussy? It was no good? Is there a network of people that know about this woman�s pussy? Are their newsgroups that discuss her pussy? How come I�ve never heard about this pussy? By the end of the scene the pussy isn�t really discussed anymore. I guess this is a good cinema trick. It gives a normal bland porno movie an air of suspense. The viewer is also dying to know who told the woman about the pussy. Perhaps in the sequel it is finally told.

2) Man and woman on bed, woman is inserting �dildo� in mans ass. Woman says �Jack of your cock!� Man replies �I�ll come if I touch my cock!� Woman replies �Ooouuughhh!� I can feel this guys pain. Sometimes you do get so excited that you will do just that if you touch it. Granted, if I was being probed I might not be in the shape to just �come if I touch my cock�, but I guess some people get off on different things. Unfortunately, this guy is lying, as within minutes she is touching it, and he isn�t coming or anything, he�s enjoying himself�until he exclaims �I�m gonna come and I mean right now� The scene ends there, well after he gets his business deal closed.

3) Man standing on bed with one hand on ceiling, woman on bed. Man�s penis is between her two feet. Man explains �I�m gonna come all over your feet� This one is interesting because it is most likely the only time this has even been said to anyone in the history of the world.

4) Man and woman on bed woman says �That is a big hard cock� man replies �yes, it is� and proceeds to lower her head onto the �big hard cock� This is sexist! Any man with any manners knows you should never force a woman to do that! We all know women hate doing that more than finding a pair of shoes on sale that don�t fit, so why force her to do that? I had to shut the movie off when I saw this happen. The only time it is appropriate to lower a woman�s head on your penis is a) if the woman is dead, or b) a prostitute.


before & after