Oh Joy!
2001-08-15 || the ghost-whale thing in the backyard
Soundtrack � you hitting the floor after taking a bong hit with ammonia in it that I will hand you

So after trying to get to sleep around 4:30 last night (this morning) I heard what sounded like a whale outside in the woods. It kept doing it over and over. A mother fucker was almost summoned out of bed with a sword to go investigate it, but when I turned around in bed I saw a form at the end of the bed that pretty much told me to just go back to sleep. I believe the ghosts from the back yard are now seeping into my room and watching me sleep. As long as they don�t do anything stupid (like take Sinatra out of �jazz� and file it where it should go, in �pop�, perhaps the ghost would create a �vocalists� section for me which is the main problem, as once you do that you are left with questions like �should Ella go in there, or stay in jazz?� Certainly not the records she did with Louis. Next thing you know motherfuckers will be putting dudes like Harry Connick Jr in their jazz section. Or putting Chris Isaak in country. Imagine a mother fucker putting Chris Isaak in country. That would be like putting the first Led Zeppelin record under �blues�, or like putting the Get-Up Kids under emo. I don�t know about you but from where I come from �Emo� sounds nothing like them, or Weezer for that matter [whose new album sucks shit btw] I thought �emo� was Rites of Spring, Embrace from D.C, Kingface, Soulside, or anyone else from the �third wave� of DC hardcore bands, not this lame ass pop music that people are calling it now. All music is emotional, give me a fucking break. I think I will next put my Ani Difranco CD�s under �folk�, oh wait, I don�t have any Ani Difranco CD�s! Shit, I don�t even have a �folk� section. I should probably look into putting the first 4 Bob Dylan CD�s in a new section �Folk� I wonder what else I could put in there? �Joni Mitchell � Blue� would go in there, as it looks a bit funny sandwiched between the Misfits and Motorhead Those 2 random �Spider� John Koerner CD�s that have suspiciously been nestled between Kiss and Kyuss for about 8 years now, and maybe some of the stuff my company put out. I need to deal with this mess soon, as it is getting out of control. For some reason I have Hepcat in my reggae section as a �Ska entry�, yet the Specials, English Beat, the Selecter, and Madness are all in the �general rock� section.), or wake me up slamming doors and shit.

We�re missing another person in work. I tell you, nowadays kids don�t have any fucking work ethic. I think all the motherfuckers who grew up in the nineties are lazy ass motherfuckers, who watch too much television, and listen to too much shitty music, and don�t have any respect for anything but themselves. I now officially am going to state for the record that I think every person who is between 20 and 29 should be killed immediately. If we can�t get a big group of people together to help us out killing these motherfuckers, perhaps motherfuckers can do it themselves. Maybe we can throw some advertisement up during South Park, or the Simpsons, or any of those lame ass cartoons (who the fuck can watch a fucking cartoon? I stopped watching cartoons when I learned how to masturbate and listen to Kiss records. I�m glad I spent my Saturday mornings slumped over a Farrah Fawcett poster in my locked bedroom instead of sitting there watching He-Man, and the fucking Shmoo. These things probably have something to do with me being a heterosexual. Cartoons. I can�t look at them, the mother fuckers get me dizzy and shit. I can�t think that shit is funny, because it ain�t. It don�t look real. Shit don�t look real! Motherfucking big dude with fucking blue hair and shit. Well, maybe it does work for some folks, as some of these silly punching bags have all sorts of rainbow colors in their hair, and metal sticking out of their faces [ I saw this young lad at the shopping center last night with about 93 different pieces of metal sticking out of his face. I was going to go down to Sears and buy one of them expensive high powered electric magnets and hold it up to the lads face and see if I could pick him up and throw him on Route 128 south. Motherfuckers with metal-detector-setting-off faces get thrown on to the Route 128 south section of the nations wonderful teenager killing highway system.], so kids are used to seeing people with all sorts of fucking deformities and shit nowadays. But cartoons, give me a fucking break, give me a good Charlton Heston movie anyday!) with like Marilyn Manson or one of those motherfuckers who will tell people that they need to kill themselves to get some sort of �re-energized rebirthing� thing going. Some sort of lame ass sacred shit, we could throw that at all the folks in their 20�s and they would listen to him. Or maybe they could get that dude�Kurt Cobain to do the adds from �the mothership� or whatever. People would listen to that arrogant mother fucker. I liked that guys music, but he was an annoying pretentious cunt most of the time. Hardly a guy who �saved rock and roll� or whatever the fuck they say the mother fucker did. Jon Spencer saved rock and roll, what the hell are folks thinking?

It�s time for lunch, I think I�ll go eat a mother fucking veal cutlet, fuck you man.

before & after