Oh Joy!
2001-08-14 || my cheek tastes good

Soundtrack � the sound of your mother putting her clothes back on

It�s Monday and I just got back from vacation. I�m in work, being like most motherfuckers, not doing shit��cept coming on here to teach y�all a lesson. So I got this guest book entry telling me girls kick ass or some shit like that. I tell ya motherfuckers, the only time I saw a girl kick serious ass was when I saw that movie �Coffey�. Pam Grier, that chick kicks ass. It seems every time a motherfucker turns around nowadays he sees these bumperstickers and t-shirts claiming �chicks rule� and �chicks kick ass�. What type of shit is that? The only ass girls kick is the ass of the horses they ride, cause that�s a chick thing to do, ride a fucking horse. Motherfuckers don�t seem to understand that every time a girl picks up a musical instrument, or a weapon, it�s a big joke! When�s the last time a chick won a sword fight? When�s the last time a chick played the guitar like that motherfucker Buddy Guy? Ain�t happened. They pick up instruments and start singing about motherfucking �boys� and motherfucking �other chicks� . Who the fuck wants to hear that shit? Other chicks I guess. These �chicks kick ass� chicks need a good ass kicking I think, maybe then they will realize that the only things they rule is the world of horse riding, and the world of being a pain in a motherfuckers ass. I just read this �Ozzfest� entry from this Maryannimal person that this Captain Morgan motherfucker talked about in my guestbook. First off, what the fuck type of dude would be saying �girls kick ass�? A dude with a vagina I guess. Unless it is a girl using a name starting with �Captain�. What�s that, the captain on the horse racing team or some shit like that? I don�t know about no Ozzfest shit, I don�t know what types of dudes and chicks would hang out there, but my guess would be that it�s a bunch of non-heterosexual motherfuckers with all sorts of metal sticking out of their faces drinking tons of booze and getting violent. Now me, I don�t believe in any types of violence, except for �anonymous violence� (throwing motherfuckers off of boats, knocking old women over to steal their money, blowing up elementary schools, etc). Motherfuckers who drink have this natural violent streak in them, like they have to prove some shit. They ain�t strong enough to walk away from motherfuckers so they have to motherfucking fight and shit. Now two girls fighting, that�s the type of shit a motherfucker would like to see, as nobody would win. They would think they were kicking the others ass, not remembering that girls never kick ass, except at riding horses and something else I said before I can�t remember, knitting or some motherfucking shit like that. Anyway, motherfuckers at this Ozzfest thing beating each other up is a bit funny. It would make a motherfucker laugh if all those motherfuckers at the Ozzfest got so drunk they forgot who they were and started fucking doing some shit like a motherfucker would do. I think next year, I�m going to get some poison and put it in all of the motherfucking alcohol in the world, so all the weak ass motherfuckers who even think about touching alcohol just get sick and bleed out their asses or some shit like that. Anyway, I don�t need to talk about this anymore. Case closed.

So I get to work today and I got motherfuckers on my crew calling in sick. What type of shit is this? Don�t fucking call in sick. I know you ain�t sick. You know you ain�t sick. Who you trying to kid? Some dudes need to take up horse racing. You get an �F�.

before & after