Oh Joy!
2000-09-12 || The luck of the skunk
Soundtrack � Led Zeppelin � 4

I get smacked in the face by girls all the time. I get smacked in the head by girls all the time. I sit and wait, and then someone comes up and just smacks me in the head for no reason. I wasn�t doing anything I swear. I wasn�t looking at you funny, I wasn�t saying anything, and you come up and knock me on my ass. A week later you�re picking me up off the ground and carrying me home to sleep. You all fucking do this to me. Why do you all have to do this to me? I never hit anyone, I sort of just sneak up and whisper things. Play a few little silly games. I never walk up and smack some one in the face though. Don�t do this to boys, come on. I don�t do it to girls because I can�t do it. I don�t have that personality or looks that do that kind of thing. Al Green can do it. I don�t have the power. I have to write books about you. I have to do something a little different. No one appreciates good words anymore. They want the smack in the face. Like one of those suction cup things. Throw it at the smooth surface and it sticks for as long as it can. That�s what you all do to me, you run up to me smack me and stick in my head for weeks and days and months and years and hours. My face is red from the smack marks now. I put on this little show and everything, and my return is a slap in the face. Don�t smack boys in the face anymore, I�m telling you, don�t. Thanks.

So I just got in from the third show in 4 days. One more to go, and I�m done with the band for a while. In a way I feel a bit relieved. Relieved of money, and I can get a rest now. It�s not easy being a fan of theirs, and getting days off easy at my job. Tonight I went with Jeremy, Breaux my drummer, and this guy Rob who is temping at my work. We started talking last week, and it turned out he was also a fan and needed a ride. He�s a pretty cool guy, he just moved here two weeks ago from Seattle, originally from New York. It�s a bit funny some of the words that come out of mouths when you get four men in a car though. It�s funny to hear how alike men really are. Oh well I�m a hypocrite I guess�The show was good, I�m getting sick of the big crowds though. I can�t stand crowds really. Breaux was talking about how he�s a hermit, and it was a bit overwhelming. Funny. Aaarne, our bass player also never leaves his house really either. This fall we are planning on getting up to practice 4 nights a week just to get better. I want to take the same thing they do, and stay in more. I did that for a while. I was going through a phase of going in early or not going out at all. It usually stems from just going somewhere I didn�t want to go, or people being there I didn�t want to see. I�ve been a little better about it now though. Either way, this winter I don�t think there�s much to go out for anyway. I�m bored with live music at this point, and I have the band, and a million books to read, and shit to do here. The options out there are so limited at this point. 30 year old male looking for girl with brain, beauty and sense of humor, must like long walks on beach and be able to write a 1000 word essay on why Bud Powell is a better piano player than McCoy Tyner.

So there�s a clown in the woods with cuts all over his face that runs around in peoples backyards laughing and making all sorts of creepy noises. He usually will come out when he hears you pulling in to the driveway or parking space. He has these little cuts all over his face from running through the woods, and his white make up is faded and sweaty. He won�t let you see him for too long, but if you look into the trees when you get home at night, he�s there. Cuts on his face and all. I just walk by him and try not to make eye contact with him at all. He�ll leave you alone if you don�t pay him any mind. When you get home at night there is a clown in the woods with cuts on his face watching you secretly.

Feeling way too much like Rodney Dangerfield to continue staying awake right now. The cards are on this table. This glass table with wine glasses and dishes and ashtrays. Everything was laid out easy, laid out for you to see. Here�s what we have here. These are my cards I was dealt. Now here�s yours. What game do you want to play today? Do you like to play games. I like to play games. I have this big superhero that wears this green outfit with a big L on his chest to help me out. He comes to my side in times of pressure. He comes to help me out but he always ends up ruining everything. He came to my call for help today and just sort of stood there looking at the floor not believing what was going through his head. He thinks he doesn�t have to follow intuition. He thinks girls are telling him the whole truth, and nothing but the truth so help him god, yet he concocts these little schemes and plots against him. He tries to help me out, when he�s really just pushing me back to 1991 and all of that crapola. He wants to help, I know he does. I just wish he would take that stupid green cape off. The jolly Green Giant motherfucker. So yeah today he showed up. I got information, and sort of subconsciously called him to come and visit. What a fuck head. He�s a real fuck head for making things up in his head. Shit he�s got an amazing imagination though. He has all these great scenes worked out in his head that he stuffs into my head. That�s his power, he puts these scenes inside my head like a VCR. He sticks the tape in my head and lets it run for a few hours until I can�t deal with it anymore. Fuck these movies he makes me watch. Fuck these fantasies he works up. I saw a preview for one that�s coming to my head this weekend. It looks really fucked up. I guess I go somewhere, and start talking to someone one minute, the next minute I�m in my car with the person exchanging breath and handshakes. The next scene is me walking from my car to my house with a frown on my head. The rest of the fantasy is me sitting there with my phone never ringing.

I�ve been bad about answering e-mails lately. Even though I told folks to e-mail me if they were reading this just to say hello. I�ve been ignoring them. Ironic, as I�well forget that�I swear to god I�m going to get to the outlook express in a day or two.

I swear to god nobody is going to smack me in the head again.

before & after