Home from work again, oh yes. We have pretty good sick/personal time deals at work. I currently have well over two weeks of this time in my �sick time bank�, and I feel like shit, so why should I be in work? Right? Right. Unfortunately, again that pep rally/nazi youth rally is taking place down in back, and now it sounds like there�s a gigantic lawnmower outside my window. That�s what I wanted to have this early, taking away what I have out there. So I keep having dreams about making out with girls I�m friends with. It�s really strange, but quite enjoyable in a way. Last nights dream was strange though. I don�t think there was any making out, but�I went into some used CD store to sell some CD�s, and Annu was working in there, she bought my CD�s and it was known that she was my girlfriend in the dream, as there was some sort of �I�ll cook that thing for when you get home honey� type conversation. Okay this lawn mower needs to leave the area straight away! I�m being a bad boy about responding to e-mail again. I have about a dozen unanswered ones in my box right now. I almost have a schedule now, okay, Tuesdays I�ll answer those. Then I think that�s the same as sending out a form letter. It�s not personal. You�re just answering messages because you have to. What a bad man I am indeed. A slacker in every meaning of the word.

So when you�re trying to figure things out. When you�re trying to read things. When you�re testing the water, it�s hard to keep a steady eye. It�s hard to be where I am right now and not have a smile on my face, but again, things always seem like they�re not real. Wait, things aren�t supposed to go smooth like this. Checking messages all the time. Making sure you�re doing things right this time. I think I have the technology. I think I have what it takes. It feels like I am taking the correct road right now. I had a good talk with Stefanie the other night. It�s funny, after all the shit I say about her, and stupid things I feel about her from time to time, I always end up talking to her and remembering why she intrigues me as such. Her and Heather both are the people I want to hear the most. I think what it all boils down to, is I don�t get the attention I want. It�s obvious that�s what it is. It�s my personality. It�s how I go about things, I blame others. I guess they probably all know this and don�t care, who knows�I never really plan to do the things I do. I think I try to be good most of the time. It�s the 1:37 guy that�s the mean guy, not me, I swear.

The band is at top form right now. I now always look forward to the next practice. This is unlike old bands, where a lot of the time I would not be looking forward to the next practice, I�d be dreading it. Oh, the same old songs again. I am happy with my vocals now, I�m starting to sing a whole lot more, and my guitar playing has improved, even if we use weird tunings on the guitars�Gimme indie rock�I haven�t really talked music in here lately, so here goes what I�ve been grooving too lately:

1) Phish summer tour � Usually, if you play your cards right, you can have CD-R�s of Phish shows you were at a week or so later. I�ve been burning mp3�s of shows I saw this summer onto CD for the past couple weeks. And as Jeremy and I realized last night, we�re seeing the band next week. I�m seeing four shows, he�s seeing ten (the bastard). I�ll have seen them 73 times�.That�s definitely not really enough.

2) The Get Up Kids � Awesome �emo� (Not that tag!) punk/hardcore whatever you want to call it�Every single song is about a girl or highways�.how can you go wrong?

3) Rushmore soundtrack � I just made a very smart decision, I bought the Criterion Collection version of the DVD, and it�s amazing. I watched it twice since Sunday, and now am back on the soundtrack. If I can only talk my band into covering A Quick One While He�s Away by the Who everything will be good. Great collection of British Invasion/ Mark Mothersbaugh of Devo stuff.

4) Bob Dylan � Partly because of Jeremy, partly because the Time Out Of Mind album is timely, I�ve been in love with Dylan again. I have been buying some of the more obscure albums with shitty covers again now too (see �Shot Of Love� for example of worst Bob Dylan album cover of all time, and maybe worst all around album cover of all time�that is behind Phish � Billy Breathes, Rolling Stones � Flowers, and The Who � It�s Hard) .

5) Cave In � Jupiter This is the best album of the year so far. I used to work with one of these guys earlier this year. They are pretty big around Boston, and will get bigger after this I think. They used to be more of a metal/hardcore lot�s of screaming, etc. type band. This record brings to mind Pink Floyd, Radiohead, and metal. Great record. It�s not long enough though.

6) Failure � Magnified This has been my soundtrack for the past few months now. Not very popular, but influential nonetheless. Cave In actually covered a song off of this on an EP that came out a while back.

7) My band � Okay, that sounds a little self centered. I�m not going to deny that. Right now though, I would want to be listening to a band that plays what we play�.

before & after