I�m staying home today. I don�t feel that good. This could be the result of some drinking last night, and then eating junk food. This could be the result of fears I have. Fears of being even more overwhelmed. I�m being overwhelmed lately. I�m fucking up all over the place. I don�t have anything steady happening. A steady decline. Anything and everything that happens lately is being way over analyzed in my head. I don�t keep it all in, which is good. But I have this headache from day to day that is the direct result of this decline in mental health, physical health, and all around good spirits. To add to this, there is something going on down at the high school behind my house that could be one of the following: a football practice, a pep rally, or some sort of Nazi rally. You�ll hear some person yelling way in the distance, followed by a large group of people that sounds like �Sieg Heil!� This is most likely not what�s going on there, but, it�s kind of funny sounding : ) I have some errands to do today as well, I need to clean up around here. I just found out that the ex-bass player from the Allman Brothers, Allen Woody, died over the weekend. Strange, as I was supposed to go see his new band Govt. Mule last week, but blew it off. Oh well, sad day in the rock world yet again�I�m probably going to get some shit for not going in to work today, as I had some meeting thing to go to tonight, oh well�what can I say. Again, my fear of people and having to answer questions, and have plans, and do things I don�t want to do really, and things I don�t want to hear or say takes me over.

Timing. I have bad timing. I always have bad timing. Or, maybe I just do everything ass backwards. Either way, things are always happening at the wrong time. I�m saying things at the wrong time. I�m doing things at the wrong time. I�m being seen in the wrong places at the wrong time. With the way things are right now, I feel pretty happy. I complain and whine and bitch and yell and talk about this bad thing and that bad thing, when in retrospect nothing really bad has happened to me in the last few months. Things look kind of bright up ahead. Things look like they might turn out okay. Who knows, I could end up in Atlantic City again gambling on things I shouldn�t be gambling on. I could end up in Nashville in one of those bars I walked by drinking a beer in a whole new light. I could be doing any number of these things. I sort of looked at some relocation things for Nashville today, and it seems like it�s a million times cheaper than Boston. Right now for a one bedroom in Boston, in a halfway decent area it�s about $750-$900 a month. No thanks�I could probably get a job there easily with my experience. Who knows. I don�t know if I could be away from the ocean forever. It�s all little ideas. I think if anything I�d like to get married and move there. Yeah, get married, have a couple kids, quit �working�, and become a country musician. That�s what I want to do. Big old cowboy hat, tight jeans, one those Goddamned shirts they wear. You watch, I�ll be the hit of the country music scene. Me and my big cowboy hat, my wife, my kids, and my weeping guitar and southern drawl. A cowboy. A New England bred cowboy. I have no idea what the hell a cowboy does, but I�m gonna be a fucking cowboy. Me and my cowboy buddies will kick ass all over the damn place, because we can. Me and my cowboy band are going to take over the world. My cowboy band, my wife, my kids, my big fucking cowboy hat. Yee fucking haw.

before & after