Oh Joy!
2000-08-27 || this is the shower I needed
If there's one thing I don't like, it's when people push me. I can't say no. What is it about me being so negative and against this and against that, yet I can't say "no". Anyway, I want to start calling people this early in the morning. I've found a new time to write where something is flowing. I'm still working on the stories as much as I can, the serenity of the morning in this neighborhood is a big help. Sunday morning. Sunday is the longest day for me. Sunday is the day I get up early in the morning, regardless of what I did the night before. I get to do a million things on Sunday. So my dream last night was pretty strange. For some reason I worked at a liquor store and I was somewhere where they told me to go to the store (it was late night) and get some beer. I went to the store, took a six-pack, put it in a paper bag, grabbed two packs of cigarettes, and was on my way. I ran into all sorts of characters in this New York City street dream. It looked like that anyway. That's all I can really remember about it anyway. I hope if the phone rings at all today, it has a pleasant ring to it. I don't want the ring that sounds like someone banging on your door. I want explanations. "What the fuck happened to you?" . These are the reasons that you can't count on people. There are reasons, millions why I need to just not take any mouth serious, because it's just that, a fucking mouth talking. This is why I need to be vague with people. I get no explanation. I know the exact fucking reason. Every time I know the exact reason, but I want to hear them pour it out. I enjoy lying now, I don't feel guilty. I feel cleaned off.

before & after