Last nights nightmare is this weekends reality.So after a night of some good things happening, and some particularly shitty feelings I went to bed before 1am. This rarely happens, anyway, perhaps it was the music I was listening to, or perhaps it was my all around mood and what I was feeling which was very�dazed. I had this dream this morning. I was on some beach with a bunch of cars parked on it, tons of cars just parked along this long long beach. Some pretty blonde girl was telling me not to �let them see you�. I looked outside of my car and there were these gigantic balls coming down from the sky. �They obliterate everything in their way� she warned. I looked, and low and behold, there were some people running down the beach and this huge ball of fire and death comes down really fast and explodes when it hits them. Some of my friends were there hiding in cars. The sky was a dark grey. The mood was quiet.�They�re fast, you can�t out run them� she told me. You couldn�t hear the ocean at all. I was on the beach yet I could not hear the ocean. One of the things saw me and came down, I somehow outsmarted it, it ended up in the water, almost peeking halfway submerged from the water. It eventually went under, and I was so scared for my life that I woke myself up and got in the shower.

I rarely have nightmares nowadays. This one made a little sense to me though. The girl, the fire, the beach, it all makes almost perfect sense in a long involved way I�m not going to get into here. I know who was on the beach with me, I know what was happening.

Top ten lists are pretty fun usually, so aren�t top five lists. So, in no particular order, here are my �Top Ten friendship endings�

1) Pete B � We were friends for a good long time. We did a lot of things together, he started counting more on drugs and alcohol than friendships, so I stopped hanging out.

2) Mark M. - We were friends for a good long time. We did a lot of things together, he started counting more on drugs and alcohol than friendships, so I stopped hanging out.

3) David P - We were friends for a good long time. We did a lot of things together, he started counting more on drugs and alcohol than friendships, so I stopped hanging out.

4) Jason B - We were friends for a good long time. We did a lot of things together, he started counting more on drugs and alcohol than friendships, so I stopped hanging out.

5) Jon M - We were friends for a good long time. We did a lot of things together, he started counting more on drugs and alcohol than friendships, so I stopped hanging out.

6) Derek P - We were friends for a good long time. We did a lot of things together, he started counting more on drugs and alcohol than friendships, so I stopped hanging out.

7) Jennifer B - We were friends for a good long time. We did a lot of things together, she started counting more on drugs and alcohol than friendships, so I stopped hanging out.

8) Natalie E - We were friends for a good long time. We did a lot of things together, she started counting more on drugs and alcohol than friendships, so I stopped hanging out.

9) Tim L - We were friends for a good long time. We did a lot of things together, he started counting more on drugs and alcohol than friendships, so I stopped hanging out.

10) Pat L - We were friends for a good long time. We did a lot of things together, he started counting more on drugs and alcohol than friendships, so I stopped hanging out.

As you can see, there�s a funny pattern, this happens every few years. You shed part of your skin off. �Oh wait, you actually thought I thought this was all good this whole time? Ha�next�.� Either way, I see this happening again as escape artists are popping up all over the place in front of me. I never thought it would last this long, but I�ve slowly been removing myself as much as possible. I need to move or start running. Standing still is what does all of this to me. Standing and being there like this is what will kill me. Not getting too caught up in things, just relaizing that I need to get as far away as possible. Nobody will ever change for me, and they will never change for themselves, so what am I waiting for. Goodness, gracious, great balls of fire.

before & after