okay so tonight i put on an outfit. i put on my sunglasses, i pulled up in a camaro. tonight i was the actor, and what a fine performance i had. let me pat myself on the back. acting drunk around drunk people is so easy! a bunch of fucking idiots around you being fooled by the minute! so i get to the bar and order a drink. we're sitting outside. i order a gin and tonic inside, bring it into the bathroom, dump a tiny bit out, return to the table ten minutes later "I ran into some people in there i knew", took a few drinks here and there, when nobody was looking...a little more on the ground. someone bought me a beer, people were starting to get a little drunk, i switched my drink with one of the girls who was already half in the bag. another drink is brought to me..."here have some of mine...i'm feeling a little drunk already"...took a few more swigs. some morons that looked like extras from the set of swingers show up, as well as more people i know adding to the confusion. I was "drunk" now, talking to people in that slurred voice of mine, acting silly. Not being shy. You have really nice blue eyes, did you know that? All the while I'm laughing at how fucking surreal the whole situation is. So they drag me to the other bar that's open later that i swear i would never go to. it of course is just as hopeless as i had imagined. what better way to end the night...a quick nightcap with the same group of people at matts house, and i'm home now. feeling just as sober as i did when i left the house at 10 pm. feeling just as stupid as i felt two days ago. feeling just as lonely as i did a week ago. feeling like i could care a fuck less what anyone thinks at any point now. honesty is definitely not even close to how i want to be anymore. sure, on here i'll be honest, in person though...nope. humouring is just plain fun. feeling high and mighty...with good reason is the way to be now. Sheep. I am around sheep. so i leave with this person and i'm feeling pretty funky and that way, and of course the interest level has gone out the tubes thanks to a few certain things said, a few certain things implied, and i'm out of there. no actually, i just thought you had nice eyes, it doesn't mean i want to kiss you, have a good night, maybe i'll see you again some time. cheers.

sunday night-act 2

before & after