Oh Joy!
2000-08-20 || breakfast of champions
Having somebody set you up with someone, or better yet telling you what�s good for you never works. Well for me anyway. �You�ll really like her/him� they tell you. �They like you� Okay, well somebody can drunk-flirt with me until the cows come home but under the guise of sobriety you see things pretty clear right off the bat. I�m sorry but the next person I fall in love with is not even going to know what a Long Island Iced Tea is, they�re not going to be one of those people. At least I hope not. God help me if they are. Who knows what can happen though. I like the confidence and lack of insecurity a situation like this can bring you. But it�s also fun to test someone. This is why I did not get myself drunk last night. This is why at the end of the night when it �was time for that� I said �Okay, well I�ll see you later then� I�m sorry but if anything is going to mean anything significant whatsoever, it�s not going to be with Budweiser breath and blurred vision. I need something a little stronger than that. I need someone who�s going to mean something the next day. Not like them. Not like them at all. Stay away from them, you won�t become them. Don�t listen to them. You will not become them. I don�t bleed like them. Nothing hurts like it hurts them. Frozen to one belief system for eternity I am. It�s been like this for as long as I can remember. Little drops of poison to push me into a situation. Little drops of poison to hold my hand while I cross bridges and wait like a sniper to take people out. Who says I�m no fun? Bring their head to me right now! Who says I have no manners? Let me say one thing though about everything and everyone. I love my life. I am happy right now. It may not seem that way to anyone reading this, or anyone who knows me up close. But I feel very happy right now. I love everyone around me. I will always love everyone around me. I can�t really hate people. One other thing though, when I start going east and they go west I need to go north. I need to do something no one will expect. I just don�t want anyone to get to know me up close and personal. Not right now anyway. I like being closed in right now. I love them all, but realize bullshit and general words to satisfy me come out of their mouths as much as possible.

I had a strange dream last night. I was in Nashville again, with same person I was with last night and we were walking around, I was showing her places I had seen. We were in some motel looking through rooms for some reason. We found a pack of cigarettes and I said �here, here�s your own pack� . We walked around a little more and I had this marijuana pipe that I dropped on the ground going into a parking garage. A bird flew by and picket it up and flew off with it. The rest of the dream was spent looking for it with her. Huh?

before & after