Nothing like a visit to the hospital to humble a person. I went tonight to see my brother who just had an operation. I generally hate hospitals. I stay away as much as possible. I just don�t like it there. So I went there tonight and saw him in pain and depressed, etc. and realized just how fucking stupid and trivial I really am sometimes. I blow things up man. I just don�t know how to handle people. I�m now beyond apology. I�ve felt like this all day. Immature. Irrational. Everything that I just shouldn�t be like. She doesn�t deserve me, I�m too much to handle when I get the way I get. She is the most amazing person in the world, and I act like a fucking child. I act like a fucking baby. I can�t slow down and look at what I have in front of me. I think I have big problems right now. I have nothing bad though. Nothing is bad except me and how I am. Nothing is as bad as I make it. I�m a little sick right now from alcohol so I�m going to stop. Going away for the rest of the weekend, so I�ll be back late Sunday evening, I hope I feel better then. I hope I can just handle being friends with her and not being like this. I hate this part of me, and I would not even blink if she said �fuck you Christian� She doesn�t need this, and I don�t need to act like this. Foolish boy with big ideas.

before & after