Oh Joy!
2000-08-02 || the cowboy get's the shaft
So about two hours ago I was sitting in a restroom of a movie theatre sweating, spinning and generally not feeling well whatsoever. But let me back up a little bit. Quoting Phish a little sarcastically, I called Jeremy and said �I�ll pick you up at 8 as usual, listen for my horn� We were going to see Shaft, listen to some new music, and talk about his �life altering weekend�� and get high. I had a little too much apparently. As soon as I sat down in the theatre I felt sick, dizzy, hot. Fifteen minutes into the movie I went to the bathroom, sat in a stall and spun around for 25 minutes or so, and then made my way to the car for the remainder of the movie. I feel asleep in the car after much moaning and groaning. This happens every once in a while and is enough to make you want to quit for a little while. Who knows, must have been a bad reaction of food, marijuana, coffee, cigarettes, and a load of things on my mind. Regardless, I feel much better right now at a little past 1 am.

September 9th is a funny little date right now. It�s Heather�s birthday, I�m going to see Phish in Albany, New York, and Tara is getting married I just found out tonight. Go figure�I feel a little bad, her relationship with her mother is still a bit shitty apparently, and seems to be having the same marriage anxiety I�ve seen in a couple other women. At least that�s what I think it is.

Who knows what I have in the future. I have no idea what will be happening in my life on September 9th. Will I feel guilty I�m not here for another birthday. That year anniversary thing I told her about. Either way, there have been numerous times where I was at a Phish show, and the intense positive energy coming off the stage matched whatever positive energy was happening in �real life�, or �back home� giving me a real big feeling of contentment.

It�s funny how I can always find humor in any situation. I always have to joke, even if it�s something serious. Sometimes I hope the person doesn�t think I�m undermining the situation. Or making light of things. It�s a way I communicate I guess. I guess on paper it wouldn�t come out the same way so I�m better off being a joker in person than �behind the pen�. Last night I noticed this when I made a joke about the waitress at the bar, and having Heather trying to set me up with her, mere weeks after telling her I had a crush on her. I guess I realized how absurd that was. A lot of things became a bit clearer last night, especially for such a gloomy looking night.

I should go to sleep. I already wrote the most important stuff earlier tonight in here anyway.

before & after