It's strange how much a person can have an effect on you. Good effects, bad effects. Effects nonetheless that are in your head all the time. In the car, at work, while sleeping, all over the place. You smile. You get aggravated. You laugh. You cry. You can't use energy on anything else. Sometimes this can go on for weeks, sometimes months, sometimes years. So with that said, it's strange how someone so important to you can intimidate you. You can't express anything around this person. Is it nervousness? Are you unsure of what you should say? You know exactly how you feel, yet you use the word "confusion" to get out of it. It's like me to be like this. It's these situations that have always been hard for me. I know how I feel. I have a lot of words, it looks like they have done the same thing as they have done to me though. Effected me in some way. For 24 hours I've been happy. For 24 hours I have now had different memories of certain places. Places always burn into my head forever. Places like the airport parking lot, where 2 different women broke up with me in the same exact spot. Now, the place in Salem where poison clouds hang over this otherwise plain looking penisula. One good night in my mind will always stay with me for a whole lifetime. So it wasn't the greatest night of my life, but...I felt like I can say something now. I'm not scared. I have no reason to ever be scared. Someone noticed my honesty. Someone noticed me waving. It's an odd feeling inside me right now. I feel like I can easily slam doors shut, or I can just keep opening doors and see what lies ahead. I feel comfortable. I have so many things to say right now. There really is no reason to hold back anything anymore. There's no reason to just keep writing notes to a middle man, no reason to just keep making mix cd's and going through every channel but the one I should have been going through the whole time. There is a way to her. There's a million ways to me also though. Noticing me in the midst of complete, utter nonsense and millions of words. Noticing one thing I wrote means a million things to me I guess. Negotiations need to be put aside. It's how it is, how it was, and how I'd like it to be.

before & after