Oh Joy!
2000-07-13 || Never order pork chops on a first date
soundtrack - Django Reinhardt - Anthology, Crickets outside, ceiling fan, the ocean in the distance, this godamn squeeky ass chair.

So I'm a hypocrite. Well we know that already. I like to not use such a strong word as hypocrite though. It's too much. Let's call me "can't-make-up-his-fucking-mind-and-says-things-that-he-may-or-may-not-mean-who-the-fuck-knows-and-we're-sick-of-guessing-anyway-the-damn-brat". When you get to work, it's work. I can't have interference. Well, I need lots of interference(see there I go being"can't-make-up-his-fucking-mind-and-says-things-that-he-may-or-may-not-mean-who-the-fuck-knows-and-we're-sick-of-guessing-anyway-the-damn-brat"ical again). I just need to set my mind to things and do it. Do it. So when people start yelling, acting like children, etc. I get pissed. I get really pissed. Since I'm technically not the boss, but kind of am, I never yell at people, I do say "shhhhh", but that's about it. So I get on this and talk shit about them. So today I wrote about a couple of people from work. At 6pm when I was getting ready to leave, they were in my office and told me they were going to eat dinner. I had a few hours to kill, so I went to this place to eat with the two women I so "can't-make-up-his-fucking-mind-and-says-things-that-he-may-or-may-not-mean-who-the-fuck-knows-and-we're-sick-of-guessing-anyway-the-damn-brat"ically bitched about earlier. I realized that they weren't bad. They're nice people. I feel odd with one of them though. We went on a "date" at one time. She is pretty nice, but there are just a couple of things that killed me (in the bad sense, not like if a woman...loved Pharoah Sanders or something cool like that). First off, she talks, and talks, and talks, and talks. I guess this should be a good thing for me. It keeps me talking. A lot of the time though, it's stuff that is just not what you would normally want to talk about. Secondly, she eats slow. I mean fucking slow. The talking is so thick that I will literally sit there looking at the sandwich with two bites out of it 9 minutes after the waiter or waitress brings the food and wonder if she is just not hungry, or is completely against talking with your mouth full(Nobody is fully against that. You on occassion will put a little bit of food in your mouth in dinner conversation, thinking, "this mouth of rice and beans won't be noticable while I continue to discuss why Bud Powell is a better pianist than Duke Ellington". But you can't live your life never talking with your mouth full. It's impossible. My friend Jeremy does it an awful lot. It's actually really fucking disgusting now that I think about it. I can still picture him at that deli in New Jersey asking for more napkins with his mouth full, bits of food around his mnouth, and grease all over hs fingers. So scratch that, in the interest of being "can't-make-up-his-fucking-mind-and-says-things-that-he-may-or-may-not-mean-who-the-fuck-knows-and-we're-sick-of-guessing-anyway-the-damn-brat"ical I change my view to: "No, don't talk with your mouth full"). One time we went to eat, and I literally went to the bathroom for ten minutes so she could finish her food. I returned and claimed "That Roasted Avocado Flavored Swordwish didn't agree with me". No I didn't say that, I think I just had a chicken sandwich that night. Another time we went to eat, actually that "date" and she ordered pork chops. Okay, I may not know what every woman wants, or every guy wants. But I will give a word of advice for any woman. Never order pork chops on a first date. Unless you're 7 years old and the date is eating dinner at your friends house with his or her parents, it's just not a good idea. Man or woman for that matter. I mean, as a rule, you just should never eat pork ever, but if you have to, do it in the comfort of your home. By yourself, with your husband, with your wife, but never in public. I had a particular horrid first date experience once. I ordered soup. I eat soup with my teeth. Well, sort of, I can't really explain it. I've since never ordered soup around anyone who makes me uncomfortable, or that I don't know well. Lastly, as I want to stop talking about her how, as it is very "can't-make-up-his-fucking-mind-and-says-things-that-he-may-or-may-not-mean-who-the-fuck-knows-and-we're-sick-of-guessing-anyway-the-damn-brat"ical of me, after going to dinner with her again tonight, she is a bad kisser. It was only the once, but it was bad news all around. Immediate with the tongue. I was going to say "No, I didn't have my tonsils out when I was a child" but I refrained. I'm sorry, but if that's not good, it ain't going to get any better. Okay, enough about her.

Band practice went pretty well tonight. We are trying to come up with a set, so if we play soon we will be ready to play the songs in a comfortable order that flows. We have decided that the song "Paul Stanley" will be our opener, it's over ten minutes long, but we like it so much that we feel comfortable using that as our introduction to anyone who's never heard us. It's a long droney song that sort of reminds me of a cross between Yo La Tengo and the Smashing Pumpkins, but I could also be wishing we sounded like those two bands. : ) That, and "Donald Fagen"(we have been naming songs after people for a while now, the songs have nothing to do with the person usually...well except for this one. It's not really about him, but who it is about is a fan of Donald Fagen, and after a particularly pleasant evening with her watching some Steely Dan on DVD in my room I wrote a song about her) are two of my favorites right now. I haven't been taking the vocal lessons this summer, my teacher does not teach in the summer, so I feel like I am singing horribly right now. I guess I could practice doing karaoke at the Chinese restaurant. I would love to get up there and do some old standard that I have learned like "My Funny Valentine", or "Nature Boy", or "You're Looking At Me"(which Nat King Cole sings a stunning version of on his After Midnight Sessions CD. One of my most recommended CD's to anyone interested in hearing some good jazz trio stuff with vocals, and some great songs like "Caravan", "Route 66", "Just You, Just Me". If you want to feel romantic, happy, melancholy, it's all on there.) after some woman doing a Fleetwood Mac song or something like that. I actually kind of like some Fleetwood Mac. I just read in Rolling Stone that Mick Fleetwood is going to drum for Spinal Tap somewhere in the UK in September. I think they are going to be doing a lot of promotional stuff as the movie is being re-released on video and DVD on September 12th to be exact. I have a great video of about 90 minutes of outtakes, and I hear it will all be on there as well. I love the DVD's man. I just watched Sweet and Lowdown. Woody Allens' film from last year about this jazz guitarist who claims he's the "2nd best guitarist in the world" after Django Reinhardt who he refers to as "this gypsy in France". Sean Penn plays the guy, and it's a funny movie, especially if you like that real old jazz from the 20's and 30's which I'm very fond of. Sean Penn is good. I like him and Johnny Depp a whole lot actually. They've kind of been pushed out of the way by these new actors like Ben Affleck, Leonardo DiCaprio, etc. I like them too, but Penn and Depp have been in some great movies: Fear and Loathing(Depp), Fast Times At Ridgemont High(Penn)(I wanted to be Jeff Spicoli in high school. Probably not the best goal a teenager should be shooting for, but...Me and Mike Yozell sat in the bathroom for the first 35 minutes of a class once, we then went to the class and told the teacher "We just couldn't make it"), Ed Wood(Depp), Bad Boys(Penn)(just kidding). So I think the band is more than ready to play. I keep saying that in here. We're doomed for a life of just rehearsing.

I'm about doomed for a situation where the alarm clock goes off for 45 minutes before I get up.


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