Oh Joy!
2000-07-12 || steve guttenberg and steven seagal sitting in a tree
There always has to be a comment from you. You can�t handle it when I talk to you just being friendly. You can�t just talk to me without acting weird. There�s absolutely nothing in the air here. Regardless of what you told me, and what I heard come out of you, and see in your eyes everyday, there�s nothing in the air here. There�s not even drama. There�s not even anything beyond friendly conversation. I just want talk. You want something completely different. You get defensive over any disparaging remark I make. You have to analyze every little damn thing I say. You need to make sure I see you every time you speak. The reason I didn�t give you my phone number, but gave it to someone else is, I don�t want to hear it anymore. I don�t want to hear about what you did yesterday. I don�t want to hear about what was on televison last night. I don�t want to hear about how you feel. It doesn�t matter. I don�t want you to put me on the spot. You always seem to put me on the spot and make me give you an answer. But, like anytime I�m put on the spot, I don�t say anything. I�ll get back to you later. I know exactly what I want to say everytime I do that, I just don�t have the desire to tell you. Hang on the limb waiting for me. Trust me, as much as you think we have a whole lot in common, we have nothing in common. Loneliness, that�s what we had in common when we went out that time. That�s all. Fucking loneliness. Loneliness is not going to be cured by being unfullfilled. It�s not going to be cured hanging around with me. You�d hate me if you knew me. This is me here, not out there. There is absolutely nothing that is going to change about you or I that�s going to turn us down the road you want to be driving down. I�ve been down that road. Fullfilling loneliness with a piece of ass. Thinking I can handle being with someone for purely physical reasons. Thinking I can handle sitting there yessing someone for hours as they go on and on about things I couldn�t care less about. But in the end, it�s awful. It�s Savage (no pun intended). I feel like I know when it feels right. If it doesn�t feel right, what is the purpose. Me dragging you along for the ride? Lying to you. I never lie. I may just not say anything, but I will never lie. Give me something good to feel good about, I�ll tell you everything. I�ll tell you all about my shoes they made me wear every Easter.

I�m in a bad way with the money right now. Shit. I keep getting bills in the mail I �forgot� about. I�m paying them, it�s just once you think you�re caught up,. Or ahead of yoursefl, they come again. Vacation set me back quite a bit. I�m not sure if the money spent made up for what I did. For the amount of money I spent I: saw 6 Phish shows, stayed in hotel rooms 11 nights in a row, bought 27 CD�s, 2 cassettes, 19 packs of cigarettes probably, lunch at Hooters (wow that food sucks), all sorts of Waffle House experiences, admission to the Blue Ridge Parkway, admission to the Willie Nelson museum (yeah baby!), lots of gas, lots of coffee. For the non material things: rest and relaxation, one state I�d never been to, 3000 + miles, and what I thought was the sanity of myself. I think I left that in Nashville though. One particular day, I watched a whole movie with Carrot Top in my hotel with the air conditioner blasting, all the lights on smoking that expensive pot, laughing my ass off. If anyone knows if Carrot Top is funny, could you please e-mail me, I�ve heard he�s not that funny. I can�t remember though. So I spent my vacatio doing shit like this on the days off. Not going out to meet people or climb mountains. I�m here 1100 miles away from home watching Carrot Top become the CEO of a company. Great movie, I�d recommend it alongside any Ernest Goes to Camp (or his last one, Ernest Goes To Heaven [or Hell depending on if you�re a film critic or not]), Steven Seagal, or Police Academy movie. On the subject of film, here are my top 5 movies in no particular order:

1) Rumblefish

2) Buffalo 66

3) Annie Hall

4) Manhattan

5) The 7th Seal

Shit, I�m at work right now.

before & after