Oh Joy!
2000-07-12 || girls don't like that do they?

God, she exists to make my life fucking miserable. She exists to annoy everyone around here. Selfish. Loud. Obnoxious. Other things that would be considered mean-spirited. I�m escaping to my headphones right now, as I can�t really deal with the bullshit. If anyone if selfish it�s her. She accuses everyone of being selfish, yet it�s all her. How come everything needs to revolve around her? It�s all about me and everyone else, it has nothing to do with you. Nobody really likes you here. Stop trying. I know how she tries to piss people off also. It�s childish. Care to babysit?

So among the rolling Blue Ridge mountains and twisting Blue Ridge Parkway I fell ill. Not ill in the normal sense, I mean I wasn�t throwing up or nursing a bloody wound. I got ill from too much information, and feeling like a midget. Somedays I can�t take all the information here at work. I feel big here. I feel like a giant here. I feel like standing on a rooftop with a bottle of red wine. But amongst the billions of trees and valleys I felt ill. So much beauty. Amazing music in the car. Amazing clean air up there. Amazing $50 per 1/8 marijuana I had with me. It�s a long drive. I think it�s 106 miles long, not really long, but when you�re only allowed to go 35 mph for most of it it takes hours. The best part of my vacation drives the past two years have been this place. Unfortunately none of my pictures came out again. I am now already waiting to go back again next year with a brand new camera. So I got ill. I got sick of the road. I got paranoid that I was being followed. I got paranoid I was going to drive off of the road. I got scared nobody would love me when I got home. I invent these scenarios in my head, and then when they don�t happen it seems like I try and make them happen. I love that mountain range though. I want to take a friend next year. I want to take someone else so I�m not the only one looking at it all. I want someone to take a picture of me. I want to take a picture of a big smile with my arm around it.

�You fucked that guy?� It�s at the very least 90 degrees and I had been walking for far too long already. She always wanted to walk so fucking far. Granted I lost weight with her, but I thought it was exercise in another arena. I always wanted to drive the car. I learned to deal with it though. The city is a great place to walk around in the summer. My eyes didn�t wander as much as they do now, but it�s always nice to see all of the different people walking down the street under the trees wondering who they are, etc. I hate arguing. I rarely argue. For a few years though, I did a boat load of arguing. Me being unhappy. Her being unhappy. This particular argument was another one of those that had me just pushing buttons, prying closets open and the like. Apparently, girls don�t like that. Why not? I used to love to bug her about things I didn�t want to hear. Everyone does it though. �Don�t worry, I don�t care�. So we get in one of these when we�re not even halfway to where we�re going. I should have at least waited until we were closer to the free outdoor concert. I didn�t though I pushed her over the cliff looking for the answer I didn�t want to hear whatsoever. So she finally gave me the answer I was waiting for and we went along our way sweating, sulking each of us. That night we probably had the best sex you could ever imagine. The moral of the story? Piss someone off, it will just make the relationship stronger. : )

before & after