I can't think of a worse thing than just losing touch i can't think of a worse thing than not using touch i can't think of a worse thing than how i am right now it comes every day it happens late at night in the afternoon it flows out of me now i feel like i'm most likely wrong now and not that i've ever had pride issues but i feel like that right now i am in love well i love i'm not in love i haven't been in love in years now i have no clue what the hell that's like i know what love is though love trust and respect love trust and respect the basis of every good friendship i probably fucked this one up i push i push i push i probably pushed the refrigerator over and knocked down everything on top of it the keys the basket of coupons the fruit etc i probably am wrong yeah i'm wrong i go about things different than everyone what's the big deal a big fucking baby i thought people thought babies were cute and lovabel i thought that babies were tickled and held up in the air the only time i've been up in the air lately is when i looked at someone in the record store the other day that feeling that feelin of being slayed by eyes that feeling of bliss because of how someones lips wrap around their teeth how you can see a second of someone and know immediately if they are real or fake this happens to me in the book store in the town square in the coffee shop it happens once a week your passion for one thing goes in a complete opposite direction when you're here this place is pretty cool actually it feels white and crazy it feels loud white and crazy crazy things speeding across a chalkboard it feels like they put you in here to teach you a lesson don't fuck with the wongs great line from a great movie i wonder if anyone has even seen that movie i'm the type of guy that likes to roam around etc this place is getting old though it seems like i got on the bus to this place on my way to north carolina no wait a couple days before that my mind has been taking so many photographs lately i wish my camera could do this much i remember the time i did this what i said what i was wearing what they were wearing what direction we were standing i take these pictures and i look at them in the white crazy room the white crazy room is where i look at those pictures i develop the film there and then i throw out the bad ones and keep the good ones well not the bad ones the ones that don't matter the guy in the toyota today the woman with the green pocketbook buying a large eXXXpresso in front of me i remember the persons eyes in the rear view mirror at the drive in though there was a pink panther sticker on your car as well as some other ones i couldn't understand you smoked and wore a wedding band as the girl handed you your iced beverage it was hot today i can't say i blame you why the pink panther though what is that all about does anyone care about the pink panther i think i may check those films out again i saw them when i was a boy peter sellers i throw out the ones that don't matter the ones that matter are the ones that stay in the photo album that i look at in the white crazy room so how pissed was i that i had to listen to 10 minutes of bad acoustic guitar at the coffee house waiting around not that pissed you did well kid you get a metal you never end up cracking under pressure you go across the tightrope wire you pitch a no hitter but you never end up crackind under the pressure it's before the pressure that you crack it's when you are inventing the drama that you crack it's when you start telling yourself you're right everytime you never pitch a bad game you never fuck up when you go out on that wire you always do good it's no fault of yours that something fucked up up there in the air the air like in the record store or in the drive through behind peter sellers's sister in law you like the air up there great kevin bacon movie btw you like to retire back to that white crazy room you like when you have to shut the door because there's so much silent noise you have to always drown out the sounds of outside the voices of reason shouting at you and whispering to you you hide behind get up kids records and miles davis ballads who does all of the work not you you sit around and wait for the guy with the basket full of answers to ring your bell like the brown ups man you wait until you feel like an asshole and then you give up you always give up you think you're walking across a tightrope when your actually walking across an 8 lane bridge 8 lanes that just lead to the same old place hey weren't you there 10 years ago oh wait that was 3 years ago oh you were here more than once you come here all the time hey do you come here often what's your sign perhaps those are the correct words you're supposed to say not what I've been saying and doing all along shit that's why it never works out man i don't have the intro line the phat intro line are those spacepants because your ass is out of this world i'd like to change the alphabet so i can put u and i together your dad must have been a thief because he stole the stars out of the sky and put them in your eyes that's it i'm going down to the bar this weekend i'm going to pound about 26 Natural Ice's and use all of those lines on any fly chick i see man you wait i'll have so many phone numbers in my pocket i might as well just walk around with the white pages and a highlighter in my hand that shit will look like a fucking rainbow you can find me in the yellow pages baby under daddies that's mack daddies.

So I lost another pound that's nine pounds in a week and a half now the sit ups do feel good though. After seeing some of the pictures last night and looking at them again I realized I completely ignore the "horizontal stripes" rule. Me thinking I was going out on the Atlantic City night life looking like I was straight out of Swingers. I looked more like I was straight out of The Sopranos meets Cheech and Chongs Up In Smoke. I loved it there actually, what a strange city. I can't imagine living there. Big huge gold Donald Trump buildings on one side, and people begging for change on the other side. The boardwalk was amazing in the rain and mist at 4:30 AM though. I was very high and in a daze, we went down to the beach as the sun struggled rising in the thick creamy fog, and it felt like we were in a Fellini movie or something. Real quiet, a far cry from inside where it's ringing bells and lights and piano and cocktail waitresses and old people still up that late from the rush of it all. I'd go back just to walk along that boardwalk again. Perhaps I'll take a drive down some wekend and stay a night.

It's hot in here and I may be able to hit the sheets before midnight at this rate. Work is very caught up, although starting to get busy. I'd like to go in even fresher tomorrow. That's it for me for now.

out-

before & after