Oh Joy!
2000-07-01 || a series of dreams and thoughts
first dream: I'm at heather and stefanies apartment we hear a commotion outside, I look out, and rapper Busta Rhymes has driven a BMX bike into a fire hydrant in the snow. second dream: a man from my office is laying on top of me naked, I can feel his chest hair on my chest he's whispering in my ear about some new jazz reissues on Verve records. third dream: I'm in that same apartment again, someone tells me there is someone on the phone with free Phish tickets for me, I go into the room to pick up the phone, and Heather is making out with her ex-boyfriend. fourth dream: I'm in the Blue Ridge Mountains, and someone comes up and tells me everyone I know has disappeared. I drive my car and "see" a carload of people I know(friends, co-workers, etc.) driving recklessly along the cliffs until it goes off. fifth dream: I'm walking around a casino and the hum of the machines is so loud that I am yelling to people around me, I return to a dirty hotel and start crying.

So after my horrid drive from Nashville to Durham NC my trip started going a little down hill, I started missing home, missing people, and generally not feeling so hot. The hotels were getting more lonely, and the nights were getting longer, as I was going to sleep late. I met up with Jeremy and we spent the night in Atlantic City before going to see Phish the next night. I tell ya, he is a fucking character. He took some LSD and we ended up at the beach where he had some sort of "moment", sounds like dumb hippie crap to me actually : ) I've never done any drugs besides marijuana, so I guess I don't get it. I know I do get the fact that people look really fucking stupid when they are fucked up like that. I did do a little conscious annoying things to fuck with his trip, but I'm sure he was clueless. I can't imagine ever being friends with him if it weren't for the Phish thing. We had a small arguement yesterday morning because he checks his hair in every mirror that we walk by, so I asked if he thought it looked okay for the truck stop we were at. As usual he got all defensive, I didn't really say much except "you actually care what people think about you?". I guess he's still at that phase that I got out of when I was 15 years old. If one thing I have always believed in, you just can't get anywhere caring what people think about you. People are always going to find something to judge you on. If you concentrate on one aspect of yourself and work on that, great, but, the average Joe that walks by me every day is not bothering me if they don't like me, or have something to say to me. Ignore people, it works much better in the long run for your sanity. Be yourself, be in yourself, and you'll be much happier. On the same note, we did meet a couple of nice girls on the lawn at the New Jersey show. He actually had left to go do what he does when he walks around, and I started talking to one of them, Tenley was her name. She was from Connecticut, going to school in California. She was doing all of the tour, and she knew alot about the band and music, so that was a change from the normal drug induced conversation about parties and drugs you usually have at the shows. She did end up quoting Ani DiFranco at one point though "We go looking for paradise, and then we go home" or something like that. We exchanged e-mail addresses when she left. Well, Jeremy did, I copied it out of his notebook though. : ) I have no idea what to do with myself here at home yet. I need to get ready to go to the show soon though.


before & after