Dear Abby,

Today I thought about my wife, and how she never talks to me. Is there a way to get her to talk to me? I can't get her face away from the television set, and I haven't eaten dinner in weeks. Today she told me to "go fuck myself". What am I doing wrong?

Fucking Myself in Toledo

So I told a friend about the thing I got in the mail yesterday, adn he immediately knew about it.There's apparently some sort of mailing list that sends these out to people. I don't know how to explain the handwriting, etc. But on closer examination it does look like the newspaper could be a phony. I now remember there is a few pieces of mail that spell my last name without the last two letters. Oh well, perhaps I'll just start exercising more anyway : ) I thought I was going to have to "layeth the smacketh down" on some wise ass....

Aside from work, today was good. I had about 5 meetings throughout the day, a ton of phone calls to return(it seems the Julianna Hatfield CD we just released did not make it into the charts as high as expected, and there may have been trouble reporting it to Soundscan to be exact). One thing that is bugging me now is the union stuff. It's one thing to help people out that are treated unfair(which is pretty rare for the most part...), it's another thing to help people out that seem to be just looking for something to complain about. I have no patience for that. Just come to work, do your job, and go home. Sure I come on the net while at work, but it's usually just to see if anyone is ever reading me(which in turn gives me fake numbers on my site meter), and it's for 10 seconds. I work my little butt off there as far as I'm concerned...Tonight I was supposed to meet some people for a movie after band practice, but I blew it off, opting for bop and cigarettes instead...they finally found me on the cell phone and from my room I made like I was still in the car, late because "one of the guys in my bands' car broke down and I had to take him all the way to fucking Topsfield". Nobody broke down though, and as far as I know no one in my band is from Topsfield...home of the "world's famous" Topsfield Fair, which runs for about 10 days in early October. I like going there, as it smells nice. A mixture of horse shit, cotton candy, and urine. Don't ask me how that can possibly smell nice, it just does, now leave me alone. I can't even remember if I made it there this past year. We usually go once a year. One year some guy working a ride wanted to fight me because he thought I was making faces behind him "Next time you want to make faces at me why don't you do it to my face?". I replied, "leave me alone, I have to get out to my Lexus and drive back to my condo, here's a dollar, go make a girl happy". No I didn't say that, as usual, in that situation I just sort of laughed and walked away. People who fight are just silly. How dumb does someone look fighting another person? Pretty fucking dumb, as dumb as I probably looked fighting Tom Atwell( I still want to know what happened to him and his girlfriend, I can't believe she broke his heart and started dating that complete geek...that reminds me, I love it when someone I liked alot at one point, or dated starts dating someone who is a complete geek. Case in point: Jenna, the gothic girl I had a crush on who worked at this coffee shop I frequented for a while. I saw her a few months ago with a guy who made me say to myself "I hope that's her brother". He looked like one of those miltary guys. Real tall, skinny, flat top, blonde hair, big glasses, and probably a flashlight attached to his belt. One of those guys like Eric Moralis who used to carry around one those flashlights, he was the guy you always saw talking to cops. Who the hell talks to cops? Well, I do, one of my old best friends, Tom is now a cop in our old town. I see him in one place though. Dunkin Donuts, picking up coffees for "the boys back at the station". I always feel guilty when I see him and talk to him though. "Hey man nice to see you, how you been?" "Well Tom, I just smoked a bunch of pot, and now I'm going to drive home and yield at stop sings, and speed through yellow lights". So I see Tom about once a week when I go for late night coffee. I just recently saw one of Erics old friends, well, more one of "our" friends last weekend, he's in the army or one of those, he's been there long as I can remember. It was nice seeing him last weekend, even if he did wipe the floor with my ass at pool. He, Steve, was one of our friends. Eric was one of his friends. I think Eric was one of those guys that couldn't be a cop for some reason, like he was too overweight, or flat feet or something, who knows. So anyway, Jenna, who I eventually met I think is now dating this Eric Moralis type guy as I type. When I finally did meet her, I realized in about 3.7 seconds that I would never be able to date her...she had a horrible voice. I'm sorry, but some people just have horrid voices. I can hear her now talking about Tori Amos this and Ani Difranco that {don't get me started on my new problem with Ani}. Sone people just have voices that do it.Heather and Stefanie both have good voices.) behind the school in 8th grade. Tomorrow I go see the Cure after work. I'm going to leave early to pick up Heather and Stefanie, and make my way to see the band for the 8th time I think. I'm still not sold on the new album, and I hope they don't concentrate too much on it. Come on Robert, play Piggy In The Mirror, or Push, or Faith. Don't play 87 new songs. And above all, do not play ANYTHING off of that last album Wild Mood Swings, what an absolute piece of garbage that was. I don't even think I've ever heard it, I just assume it sucks. I don't like to say this band sucks and that band sucks, but sometimes it is appropriate to dig on the bands you used to like that suck now. Let's see if we can find some others:

1) Shudder To Think - What happened? Moving to New York is supposed to make things better, look at the Talking Heads.

2) David Bowie - That new haircut is awful.

3) Soul Asylum - These guys put out 2 amazing records ( "and the horse they rode in on", and "hangtime" ), as well as some good early stuff. Good things are supposed to happen when you date Winona Ryder, case in point: Johnny Depp. I'm sorry Johnny, but your pre-Winona roles all sucked big time. Don't worry though, you're still getting better even if you did do that Polanski movie that seemed like it was out for all of a week.

4) Powerman 5000 - When these guys were playing clubs here in Boston they had a great original sound funky, dark with bongos and the singer did some rapping that was good. This is what happens to people that move to LA apparently. These guys sound like every other band you hear on the hard rock radio stations nowadays.

5) Sebadoh - Okay they don't completely suck now, I take that back.

6) Metallica - No explanation needed.

Band that you think would suck by now, but don't:

1) Red Hot Chili Peppers - I hated the newest when I first heard it last summer. Now I can't wait to take it with me on the road this summer, and see them in July here.

2) Bob Dylan - I saw Bob last fall and he was amzing. I had heard he was really good live nowadays, but was still apprehensive. It was worth the wait though. BTW What's with the guy in the black Volkswagen that drove past me today blaring one of my favorite Dylan songs Queen Jane Apporximately?

3) Sonic Youth

4) Fugazi

Yikes, I talk too much...

0ut-

before & after