Okay, so I start my real vacation next Monday, although I have the option of leaving Saturday afternoon if I so please. As of 2pm Saturday I have absolutely nowhere to be, and no one to see. Mentally I already feel like this. Nothing is really holding me back. One thing that is drawing me is this line: "Tennessee, Tennessee, ain't no place I'd rather be...". The weekend was close to a disaster as can be, but of course, I always have to over dramatize everything. I had a nice talk this evening with Stefanie about alot of different things going on with her, as well as with I. She put things a little more into perspective as usual, and I feel a whole lot better sitting back and thinking about it. There's too much love for me to jeopardize the great friendship I have already built. If something is meant to happen, it will I guess. For now I'm me again though. So to top of the rather shitty day I had at work again today, I get home and amongst the pile of mail is a letter with my name (missing the last 3 letters of my last name though) typed on with a tyepwriter, complete with apartment number, etc. No return address, the postal meter reads "Santa Ana, California". Inside is a folded up newspaper page. On the top in what looks like womans' handwriting is simply this: "Christian, try this, it really works!" It's an advertisement that reads in big bold letters "School teacher loses 80 lbs on new weight loss technique" or something like that. I have no idea who sent me this thing; it was actually more funny than it was insulting though... I only know a couple of people in California, and one of them I know her handwriting pretty damn well at this point, but if it was you(which I highly doubt), and you read this I hope Bob from Twin Peaks comes out of your closet with a handful of snakes when you go to sleep tonight :P

I've just apparently "performed an illegal operation". I wasn't aware there was a camera inside my monitor watching what I was just doing.

I was talking to this guy at work today who's sort of a punk rocker type guy, he's my age and go into it around the same time I did (1983...yikes!) in Boston, so we probably crossed paths a million times, but I just recently met him. Anyway, today I remembered the first time I was exposed to punk rock music. Well, actually it was through my dad who brought the Sex Pistols record home when we were young boys.He was working for A & M Records at the time and I think the Pistols were going to sign with them, but didn't. So with that connection we heard some early stuff like The Dickies, The Buzzcocks, The Clash, etc. I didn't really get into it though until I was 13. Being a long hair in junior high school, we drank, and smoked pot and wore Iron Maiden pins on our denim jackets, etc. Hanging out at the mall "downtown", we saw this punk rock guy Pete who apparently sold pot. I got some off him and started hanging out with him. We quickly became like best friends. At one point, he was dating a younger Mary Lou Lord, who is a great singer-songwriter who became "famous" for claiming she had an affair with Kurt Cobain or something to that effect. I still see her around Salem now, and I think she is popular on an indie rock level anyway. Pete got into some other harder drugs, I didn't and we kind of drifted apart. He eventually got out of the punk rock scene, went sober, and I see his name pop up here and there in some local literary magazines and such. I think he's a professor at Harvard now or works there in some capacity or another. I haven't seen him in probably 7 years or so now. I continued in that scene for a while and kind of left after gangs started going to gigs, and the music started getting stale. I still haven't been able to feel that same youthful energy though of going to see a band every weekend. I think I saw every single punk or hardcore band that came through Boston between 1984 and 1990. It was a great time, and I've just recently started checking out some of the newer bands that rock just as hard, such as Hot Water Music, Avail, Lifetime, Converge, Cave-In, etc. I'm glad there's still kids going to these gigs and having a great time, it was a great time when I was there, I just can't imagine it now. Perhaps I am mellowing out then..."No I think I'm going to stay in and read, and then catch this 'film' at 11...". I should post some photos of me from that era on here. Nobody would be sending me any of those damn newspaper ads though that's for sure : ) I have a picture with Denise, my high school girlfriend that is absolutely silly. She was "normal"(if I remember she's wearing a Tom Petty shirt, and I'm wearing a Dead kennedys shirt), I saw her last summer actually at a show that I won't mention here for fear of embarassment. Let's just say it was an 80's band coming back, and they once had a video with the singer on a boat...(come on that's easy!). Anyway, I saw her, she didn't see me. So a few days later I looked her up and called her just to say hello and talk about people "what's so and so up to, i heard he was in jail...or had 9 kids now...or just got out of rehab...or dead...or living in Europe with a group of communists...". She never called me back, and I know exactly why. We had a "my ex that I call when I want to sleep with someone" relationship for years after we broke up. This was clearly not why I was calling, it would have been nice to see that old group of friends.

the bed wants me now

before & after