Holidays are so much fun. Apparently we're supposed to remember all of the dead people we knew tomorrow? Come to think about it, I don't know many dead people right now. Three relatives that were pretty close, and maybe 2 or 3 old friends. Perhaps there's a ton of dead people I know, I just don't know it. For some reason the other night, and I have no clue why I'm remembering this right now, I was in the men's room somewhere and wondered where 90% of the people I went to school with are right now. It's a bit sad that I never really made that many good friends in high school, at least that good that I would call tomorrow. Maybe I should, someone may know some people we both knew mutually that is dead right now. The most recent dead friend I know of, and this is sort of a funny story, is Dave Randall. Back when I was a punk rocker in my younger years I hung with this guy Dave, he always smelled like shit, and had a big nose. That has nothing to do with anything, but...I stopped hanging out with him for some reason at one point, maybe around 1990-91 or so. About 1993 someone told me he had O.D'd on heroin and died. Okay, I didn't really know him anymore, it was sad, and I felt bad, but nonetheless moved on with my life. About 1995 or so I ran into a friend from the same group of friends, and she asked if I had heard about Dave. I said I had a few years ago, and she said "No, he just died a month ago". So I had written this guy off 2 years before he was dead. It would have been pretty scary if I had seen him in the time I thought he was dead. I could have kept his phone number for 2 more years! Dave was only 22. I haven't really known that many people on hard drugs, but whenever I find out one is I get pretty pissed off. I know some of the people I hang with do it from time to time(coke, ridalin, etc), but I've never done any of that shit, and never will. I don't think the occassional time is good, it's always bad for you. Thankfully I've never witnessed it happen right in front of me, as I would probably slap them across the face, and throw the shit on the ground. The only thing you should be putting in your nose is your finger. I'd like to take this opputunity to say that every single Neil Young song is good. I'm going to go ahead and start booking the rest of the motels tonight, as a single traveller, I can't wait to here if she's going to go with me. I need to get this done so I can at least know I have place to stay at the end of the day. I think the lone driving will be good again though. I was thinking of getting a mini tape recorder to talk into while driving, but I think I would feel silly. Like Agent Cooper "Diane, I'm about to pull into a gas station". The family cookout was today, and my cousins sister-in-law was there. I see her about once or twice a year, have never said a word to her in my life except tonight("see ya later"), but she is so cute. I remember them telling me she was very depressed because she just turned 30 and her long time boyfriend had left her, and she was having a bad time. "hey, I'm 30, and lost a long time girlfriend...3 years ago". Family things on my dad's side are usually pretty fun, as hellish as they can also be. I ahet that some of my cousins husbands are so pushy to the women "can you get me a glass of water?". They talk to them like slaves, and the women do whatever they say. I can't imagine ever being one of those husbands. Get up and get your own glass of water.

There's been all sorts of shit flying by me every day lately, little creatures, or shadows of things follwing me around. They never make any noises, yet they follow me to work, they were at the bar tonight, and they fly around whenever I'm on here. Like they know I'm not paying attention to them. I see them though. Perhaps they will follow me on the trip to the mirror. The mirror is 3 feet by 6 feet, and is on a lovely mahogany table. It fit perfect on there after I sanded it down and everything. The wind feels cool out the windows. "If you open the corect windows you get an amazing cross breeze" she told me once. I've tried every single combination possible, but I'm yet to find the correct one. She was obviously lying at the time. Why so much fucking lying with everyone. You can't really trust anyone really. Making plans is such an easy thing to do, but you have to lie and make shit difficult. Sure I've felt unloved before, but not by friends. What the fuck is that about? I have nothing good to say to you I guess. Remember the discussions on Cranes Beach about Lyme disease and getting lost in the woods. You ate so much that day, I amost wanted to stop you from getting a greasy mouth. Greased up so more words came pouring out. More complete bullshit. Why do I feel like I'm on the Sally Jesse Rafael show when I'm with you. I'm on the stand to answer your questions about myself. I thought y'all wanted us to be interested in you? You never gave me a chance to get to know you, because I couldn't get a word in edgewise. You're the hard one here, don't tell me I'm hard to read you're the one who's more Joyce than Dr. Seuss here. I'll call you Friday, pick you up at 8:45pm eastern standard time.

o-0

before & after