It's "early" morning here. This weekend has been up and down. Friday Matt and I went for Thai food with Heather, Dorian, Lindsey, and Tracey. That food is okay to me I guess. I claimed I felt even hungrier after I ate it though.Sure it tastes okay, it only can fill up a little person though. I was ready for dinner after going to dinner though. I'm fed up with "I'll have the vegetarian blah blah blah", or "I'll just have this little bowl of celery for dinner". Eat a fucking meal for christs sake!. Haven't met a girl recently that's like that. They all just eat these little dishes of carrots of whatever. I need a woman that will eat a 72 oz. steak while smoking a cigarette and drinking a glass of warm whiskey.

I couldn't be social last night. I met up with Heather for dinner before meeting everyone at the bar for pool and drinks. I had a headache, and 25 minutes into the bar thing Heather wanted to leave and go home to wait to go to some party, so I went with her where my headache only got worse. I went to lay on her bed, and two minutes into it she had to leave to go to the party, I kind of wish we could have just stayed there and talked on the bed all night.Instead I came home and spun around, whined and finally fell asleep. A none too exciting weekend, that is continuing with a family cookout today in East Boston. Lot's of italian people, and hopefully a television with the Red Sox on it.

So I'm trying to talk Dorian into going with me now, as I am not looking that forward to thr trip alone for the whole time. I think a week at it myself would be better on me than two, as last year I went a little mad by myself for that long. If she does go she doesn't want to see the show in Tennessee though, she doesn't like them. Perhaps I'll find someone else to go to the actualy show then. Put a personal ad up "looking for person to go spend 4 hours with on June 22 in Antioch Tennessee. Must have good sense of humor, smoker, and all their original teeth and limbs".

I wonder if it's safe to even have the thoughts I have, am I wasting my mind again? Am I just coming up with idea that don't make any sense whatsoever? I want to go in the back yard and build the mirror coffee table, for the diving show. I want to invite all my friends, and enemies, and press people to watch it happen. I'll spend 6 weeks training my dives in a smimming pool with one of those very high diving boards. I'll spend weeks building the mirror to jump in from the 3rd floor. I want it to be a special time for everyone. This will be the 5th time I do one. There's nothing better than the sound of a mirror smashing, and seven years of bad luck being handed to me on a silver platter like that.Making eye contact with myself on the way down in the only safe way to go about it, as it has been in the past. Train youself you won't get hurt, and you won't get hurt. You can do anything you want to do, it just takes practice, and skill. I'll have all of these things then.

out-

before & after