Not sure if I just build shit up to get let down, or I just plain think too much. I'm pretty sure it's a bit of both. I thought the vibe of the day was generally positive. I worked at the record shop in the morning, went to the graduation thing, watched this good Beefheart documentary a guy at work lent me. It's from the BBC. Pretty good footage though.

Sitting there listening to the tough kids playing out in the neighborhood, high, staring at the floor was the only place I wanted to be at one point tonight. It feels very comfortable there, even if it feels uncomfortable and uneasy in other ways. The general vibe is very nice, I almost feel like I could live there waking up to the sun coming through the window to wake me in the morning in August. The loud music, and sounds of pool balls crashing into each other (I won 4 games in a row) and all the great looking girls was not enough to keep me interested. I was thinking about listening to this cd, and typing when I got home. I look forward to that more than being out there now. Some good music, coffee, and incense make for a more comfortable evening. I wished for that at one point, and here I am. Unfortunately, I'm missing one crucial piece to the puzzle. I have nobody to go lie down with after this and talk about this and that, him and her, potatoes, and po-tah-toes...I can't sit here and type that shit right now though. How many times am I going to complain I don't have "someone"? It's mot very productive, and besides, I'm fine with this right now. It feels so obvious, and natural sometimes.I should be reaching over to hold your hand. Oh yeah, wasn't going to talk about that.

Tomorrow I have too much stuff to do, but not really. I need to clean out the truck, and get ready for Monday, and the new car. I am cutting it so close to the vacation with regards to being able to manage money, and save to go away, while dealing with a loan situation, the outrageous tax I will probably have to pay($550 or so), rent. My change thing is filling up nicely. The past two summers I've saved up change in a big jar and cashed it in right before going away. I've had well over a hundred bucks both times, which is for all the gas, and little things like cigarettes, coffee, etc.

Why do I even get depressed about it. It seems like the way things are now is completely fine. There really isn't any thing but comfort right there. The conversation nice, pleasant. If anything. wait, I'm now remembering I'm drunk, as the screen spinnns....

out-

before & after