It's 1:13 am, there's that number of my birthday, and of a good friends birthday, or two rather now that i think of it. I drank again tonight, i had a pretty good time, i didn't do or say anything i shouldn't have, so that's a step "up". i still feel a little bit buzzed, hence the Louis Armstrong on the stereo.

I have a few artists I can play when I am down(I have no real reason to be down right now actually the more i think about it) that refuse to let me be down:

1) Louis Armstrong

2) James Brown

3) Black Sabbath

4) anything with George Clinton

I recommend anyone to try it out. James Brown will not let you down when you are down and out. Sure he has a few sad songs from his earlier period, but when he wants you to get up and do your thing you can't really tell him "no sorry I'm upset about this thing and that thing". James would tell you "no, f*** you, you are a baby, get on your feet and do the funky broadway!!!". Actually he wouldn't say that, as he once said "never sing anything on a record you wouldn't say to your mother". Apparently James has no problem telling his mother "She got to use just what she got to get just what she wants".

What a short week that seemed longer than it was. I blew off my band this evening for "an emergency" I had to deal with.Well, sort of. I feel seperated from everyone right now. It's been a strange past month or two. One of my best friends has drifted away, or perhaps it was vice versa. Regardless, it feels strange not talking to him as much lately. Ditto for one of my best girl friends, well I never "see" her, but I haven't talked with her much. My work set up a new "e-mail/internet abuse policy" so I'm trying to take it easy. Today I was sort of being a pain in the ass with her, hopefully she still loves me though... I've spent alot of time with the girls I hang out with. Two in particular. I like the company of the both of them, even if I am a whiney, moody brat 80% of the time with them. I guess I can't really explain myself at all. Today my friend I just mentioned (the female one) was talking to me, and made me realize I do way too much thinking. I tried to argue that it was healthy to be self absorbed from time to time. I guess I'd have to actually talk in person, or have a real time chat with her to fully explain myself. Or is that just it, that I'm always worried about having to explain myself. Last weekend was a perfect example. I felt embarassed, and all around apologetic for my actions. I guess inside I felt guilty, and hypocritical, seeing myself as someone I've put down so many times in the past for no good valid reason. So if I become that guy for a night I look into the mirror way too much so to speak. We're all here to have a good time right? Riiiight. Anyway, all things pass, and I feel a positive vibration coming along shortly(a little hippie talk). Like my friend said recently "You're not going to be happy with others until you are happy with yourself" or something like that. If she happens to read this, perhaps she can correct me on that.

I met someone this evening who I only had heard about from a friends mouth, and saw through a couple of photos. It's strange when you meet someone who's a part of someone elses life that you hear so much about. You almost feel like you're intruding on them. I only say this because it's a friends girlfriend, and he recently told me of a little "problem" the two of them had. We both seem to confide in each other, and he told me some heavy stuff recently in confidence, so it was strange seeing her in person finally. I loved her shoes btw.

I've smoked 4 cigarettes while writing this, that's my cue to go to sleep I guess.

out-

before & after