Oh Joy!
2003-11-05 || -
Soundtrack � Alice Cooper � Lace and Whiskey

So last night before band rehearsal I went to spend the $15 gift certificate I got from work for my birthday. This gift card literally being the only gift I received for my birthday, I was eager to spend it immediately. Oh yeah, it was for Barnes and Noble.

So I walk in there and immediately make my way back to the music/dvd section with the intention of buying an expensive DVD, and having the $15 taken off the total. I was tempted by Wild Strawberries and Amarcord, since the hefty price tag of $40 would have been brought down to $25 or so, but I was too distracted by what was happening behind the counter to concentrate on getting something good�I eventually recovered, and think I made a wise decision.

So as I walk into the section there are two young gentlemen standing there talking, one of them is holding the Miles Davis Complete Jack Johnson Sessions Box Set in his hand and saying �a lot of people like the Bitches Brew one better, and that�s probably a better place to start if you want to get into this kind of thing�. I silently agree as I eavesdrop on to the rest of the conversation:

Short haired dude that looks like Dave Matthews: A lot of people don�t like this era of Miles.

Me, to myself: No shit.

Dude with long hair, baggy black shirt unbuttoned with leather necklace thing with ring in it: Yeah, when I listen to this stuff I realize that only people who are serious musicians, or jazz musicians can know what�s going on in this music.

This is when I silently snapped. What an ignorant fucking piece of shit thing to say! Only people who are musicians can appreciate good music? That is the biggest load of crap I have ever heard in my life!

So now I am a little flustered and confused as to what to buy, and I swing around so that the dudes at the counter are in my sight line. Just then a short guy that looks like a lawyer or an accountant walks in and says �Hi, where�s the new Sarah MacLachlan?� One of the dudes leads him over to ovarian heaven and then the guy adds �How about that new Best of REM too?� Now I realize I�m really the farthest away from black people as I can possibly be at any one time.

The clock is ticking now, I need to be at rehearsal within 15 minutes, and I�m 8 minutes away. I need to pick up the pace. Just then I hear someone whistling�I recognize the tune, but can�t put my finger on it. I look up and Mr. �only-jazz-musicians-would-understand� is the whistler. Just as I notice who the whistler is, I realize he�s whistling �You�ve Got a Friend� by James Taylor. Fuck. Any kind of credibility with music taste is immediately thrown out when you admit any kind of admiration for James Taylor whether it�s saying �I like James Taylor�, �I love James Taylor�, �James Taylor is pretty cool�, or falling prey to having a James Taylor song stuck in your head and releasing it into the air by whistling it. No human being has the right to listen to Miles Davis, or better yet have a conversation about him if they are a fan of James Taylor. People who listen to James Taylor are the same types of people who probably talk extra loud to people who speak broken English, or assume black people are all criminals. Anyone with half a brain knows that MOST black people are criminals, not ALL of them! How silly�just kidding. MEN who like James Taylor are the kinds of men most likely are the types of men who cry from time to time, or would lie to their wife or girlfriend that they actually enjoy doing things with them that don't involve being naked with them. In other words, non-heterosexuals.

So I then see Husbands and Wives by Woody Allen on the shelf. $24.99, I don�t have it, it�s one of his last really good films and I�ve somehow managed to buy 25 or so Woody films on DVD while avoiding this one. I bring it up to The Whistler, he asks if I want a �readers advantage card� and I say �am I required to read Beuwolf?� and then politely decline. I don�t want to cause a scene in the world of the white man obviously�I�ll never get to buy overpriced books or DVDs in there again if I do!

So the one birthday present I get caused me a slight bit of grief, but it was worth it in the end, as now I have proof that white people are the root of all evil.

Black Power my brothers and sisters.

before & after