I feel like shit, and I think it�s because of what I ingested into my stomach today. I had lunch with Dan at the sub shop where we met up with some other friends. I grabbed a bag of barbecued flavored chips. Upon getting to the table I opened them and for some reason decided to smell the chips. There was a smell coming from the bag that smelled familiar�.hmmm�is it chlorine?�pretzels with soap?�salty cucumbers?� Tripe? I know that smell! It was sperm. The bag of chips I pulled off the shelf smelled like sperm. I ate a couple of them and they tasted okay. I was hungry, they were salty. For some unknown reason, my bag of chips decided to smell like sperm today. All of the other men at the table smelled them and agreed. Perhaps barbecued chips always smell like sperm, and nobody has ever taken the moment to check. Tomorrow I will buy another bag, from a different store, in a different county and see if the sperm count is the same in that bag.

After a night out at the bar tonight, we went to get some breakfast at the all night diner place (where I announced across the place to our waitress that the three of us had �just done acid for the first time� when she kept looking at us incessantly laughing and playing with the items on the table). I ordered something with some swine product on the side. The swine product smelled like something, like a burnt kettle that was filled with wax or something. I ate half a piece of it, and decided to not have a repeat of the afternoons last minute decision to decide �I swallow� in front of my friends.

To top these two things off, tonight at the bar, on both occasions where I asked for a Bud, the waitress brought me a Bud Light. Could that beer be any more disgusting? The band in the bar played some Phish, Sublime, and some other white funky stuff with their white ass selves. Fuck I hate white people. The term �self hating Jew�, everyone knows that one, how about �Self hating white person� that�s what I am. {I am ashamed of white people when they play the music like that. Is it true that the only music we haven�t stolen from black people is Classical music? It�s not blues based, so I guess so. Even the classic white musicians that go �directly to the source� have some sort of embarrassment. �Directly to the source� musicians would be folks like the Beastie Boys, Eminem, etc. white people doing black music straight up. The �derived from black music� groups would be folks like the Red Hot Chili Peppers, who have always (especially lately) drawn liberally from different areas (funk, hip-hop, punk rock, blues, etc.), the Allman Brothers (who play a lot of blues music, but also do some of their own brand of rock or whatever you want to call it). Aside from Eminem, I am a fan of a lot of musicians who take directly from the source though, but some of the embarrassing things like the Beastie Boys wearing big thick gold chains in the early years make me cringe a bit. Now that I think of it, the other kinds of music we didn�t steal from black people would be �prog rock�, as you�re never going to see a black person sing about elves, or physics or whatever the fuck those moustached motherfuckers sing about. You will never see a black person playing one of those �keytar� things (those keyboards you wear and stand up and play)�again, as I have vague memories of maybe Cameo or someone like that playing one in a video in the 80�s. I�ll give black people that one moment of shame where maybe 5 or 6 black people played those keytar things. We obviously didn�t steal punk or hardcore from black people, yet it was a group of 4 black men that mastered the art of hardcore, wrote the book on hardcore, and put on the best show I saw in my youth, the Bad Brains. We certainly didn�t steal heavy metal from them either, directly. If you wanted to get technical and be one of those people that thinks Led Zeppelin were the first metal band, then sure, you could argue that the first Zeppelin record was the most bluesy, so they did steal heavy metal from black people. Everyone knows that however you look at it either Black Sabbath or Blue Cheer were the first heavy metal band. Coincidentally, Eddie Van Halen got his style from Hendrix so some left handed argument could be made there too, but Hendrix started off, and ended doing a handful of blues stuff. } Between the standing room onlyness of the bar, and this white bread band, I needed an exit, after 1 and a half Bud Lights we left, where I ate the swine that tasted like a burnt kettle that had wax in it. So sitting here now, at 2:47 AM EST, drinking this 20 oz coffee, my stomach also houses some sperm flavored potato chips, 18 ounces of Bud Light, and half a strip of swine product that tasted like a burnt kettle with wax in it. One would think vomit is on the agenda tonight. I will digest, and move on.

Watched the King of Comedy surprisingly for the first time today. What a great movie. I loved Jerry Lewis in it, and the normally annoying Sandra Bernhard was good as well. It was kind of creep to me, and held me emotionally for a bit watching De Niro.

Angelina Jolie ain�t all that.

I think the term �white trash� is offensive. Even more offensive is the new fashion trends that have derived from the obsession with �white trash� culture that now pervades a lot of counter culture scenes. Even the hip-hoppers are wearing those net baseball caps, which I wear too, but not because I think it�s cool to look like I�m from a trailer park. This came to a head today while reading a magazine and seeing two guys from the Strokes at some party or club, presumably on a �night off from being the Strokes� (I don�t even hate the Strokes as much as I did before, in fact a couple songs on that CD are enjoyable to me), one is wearing this ZZ Top shirt, and the other guy is wearing a Members Only jacket. I�m sorry, but when did the Members Only jacket come back? Furthermore, when was it ever here? No musician with any grain of talent in their gritty shit would be caught with a Members Only jacket on! There are a handful of musicians in the past that most likely wore a Members Only jacket at one time: Richard Marx, Howard Jones (who I hesitantly admitted to my office that I saw in concert in high school on Friday morning, wait Howard Jones would never have worn one, I just wanted to include that anecdote in here somehow), Lionel Richie, and Brad Whitford of Aerosmith. This whole new trend of liking heavy metal because it�s funny, and okay to admit that you liked it before punk rock and indie rock is so silly to me, almost as silly as the notion that Pabst Blue Ribbon could possibly taste good (sorry Dan! heh). Over the summer I had the misfortune of meeting some young man who had adopted this new sensibility, and came close to throwing him off of a porch (second story), but realized I was in the eye line of a group of people, so I didn�t, but I would have, and still would.

Elvis Costello does not make for a good soundtrack to the muted Lara Croft:Tomb Raider on the TV right now. What a shitty looking move, wait did I see this before?

In the bar tonight, with the 4 people I knew in there, with our arms close by our sides and having to move and squeeze every few seconds to let someone by I mentioned that there was possibly one person in the bar who was having the night of their life. The best night of their life. Up until January 25th, 2003 this persons life was completely void of anything remotely exciting, but as fate would deal them on this cold evening in Beverly Massachusetts, they would never forget this night in the crowded bar. Who knows why, and who cares why? I am done judging and caring what others do and feel, it is a waste of energy to spend anytime thinking about it. I will still not stop picking on people with shitty taste in music though. What�s the point of living if you can�t be a music snob? I will now go to sleep with my Edgar Varese pajamas, while I dream of having lunch in So Ho with John Cage and Thurston Moore.

before & after