man, every morning when I get into the office the girls are playing this folk music show that is on the radio in here. I like a lot of women singers, more than I used to�but somebody please take the acoustic guitars away from the women! The following women are the only women allowed to sport an acoustic guitar: Polly Jean Harvey, Elizabeth Fraser (that�s doubtful though), Kristin Hersch, Lisa Gerrard, and Missy Elliott. Anyone who has been subjected to the Lauryn Hill unplugged 2 FUCKING CD SET, which I was against my will one night while Dan and I played drinking games with a Christian girl. Lauryn Hill shouldn�t even be allowed to hold a microphone, just my dick. The Missy Elliott comment was a joke.

The woman put so much fucking cream in this coffee I might as well just be drinking cream. I will go back there tomorrow and teach her how to make it �correctly�. I remember now when I worked at the supermarket as a teenager, there was a man named Bill that used to come in all the time He lived in the old age home up the street and was completely fucking crazy. He would come in and buy a pint of heavy cream and stand up there and drink it. We found out he was doing it to coat his stomach because of all the pills they fed him. He liked his crazy self better I guess. One day at the market, I had to clean up shit that fell out of an old mans pant leg. Figuratively, my life hasn�t changed since I had that job.

I never have a plan when I arrive here, which works for me.

Was it Aarne who put Marquee Moon in my guestbook? as if I need tablature to figure it out. Was this a suggestion to cover the song? I doubt that Breaux or Dan have any clue who Tom Verlaine is, as they are out listening to homosexual folk singers like Damian Jurado, etc. This brings another idea, if you weigh more than 200 pounds, please leave the acoustic guitar on the floor. Fat men should not play the acoustic guitar. I don�t pick up acoustic guitars because a) I�m fat, and b) I have sex with women, not men. The only men over 200 pounds allowed to pick up an acoustic guitar are/were: Jerry Garcia, David Crosby, and I don�t know, someone else.

phone call (8/11/96 4pm EST)

pretty good how are you? really? when was that? how was that? jesus, that�s awful. well actually, I am not going now, I have some things I need to take care of. Exactly. Well, you know her. Yup. Yup. No. I think so- really?? wow, it�s been how fucking long? Shit, I hope it works out for you because she really is cool, and she knows her-exactly. Hey did you hear about Doug? Yeah, isn�t that crazy? I think he�s an idiot if he doesn�t take it. Seriously. He needs it more than any of us. Yup. Yup. Yup. Yup. Yup. Well listen, I have to go cook dinner for Charlene, are you gonna go down to Foster�s tonight? Okay, cool I�ll see you then. Alright. Yup. Bye.

before & after