Oh Joy!
2002-12-19 || yeah, i stayed home from work, can you tell?
Soundtrack � Lena Horne - sings

So I�ve decided that any self respecting human being that listens to the group Foreigner, should be immediately shot in the face with a sawed off shotgun, at close range. This reminds me of Aarne, in his ever cynical humor once said any person who buys cd�s by� someone I can�t remember�gets to buy the cd�s at the store, and then is immediately shot in the head for such a travesty. Being a music snob is fun actually. With that said, today is the winter solstice, sorry, Saturday is. Today is a full moon though. Ooh, I�m scared. I quite like the winter actually. It makes me jumpy. It makes me�ummm�content. You get to look forward to hot nights in what seems like a year from now.

By the way, how cool is it that I can watch dvd�s on this thing now. Sure, everyone has had that for years, but fuck you, today I did some stuff on the computer while watching an episode of Oz in a little box screen on my monitor. These kinds of things are what excite me now. I don�t know what it is, but things that I used to look forward to make me kind of indifferent at this point. Looking in the paper for who was coming to town in the music world used to excite me, now I rarely pick up the Phoenix. (thought of a line for the Presley bio today while eating eggs � �no studded belts, no mod haircuts, and no friends in high places, the members of Presley like to make music, and that�s about all�) to see who is coming to town. I know I�m not going to go. I like seeing the band we go see every other Thursday (or used to more than now). It�s improvisational, keeps my interest, and there are generally no shit heads bumping into me spilling Sam Adams all over my Gazelles. Next month, Roger Miller of Mission of Burma fame will be sitting in on �prepared piano� which should be interesting.

Found this rather weak story on a floppy disc I evidently wrote on 4/24/99 in the afternoon. Trying to remember where I was emotionally or whatnot when writing this I couldn�t figure it out, anyway�this is called �Salt Peanuts�


�Salt Peanuts�

I took a good long pull off of my cigarette and told James we would do it now. James was definitely not ready, I knew that when I met him. James and I went back a long way. I met him in the same bar we were sitting in now. He worked down the street from where I worked, and we got to talking one night, and shared some of the same musical interests: Charlie Parker, Bud Powell, Dexter Gordon, Trane, Miles, etc. We ended up back at my place that night drinking more, and listening to some vinyl I had picked up the previous weekend. James was in the same boat as me, he had a hard time meeting people. Granted I was new in town when I had met him, so I knew nobody, but this guy was born and raised there, so he had no excuse. I immediately took a liking towards him though; he was sincere, he had his shit together for the most part, and he didn�t have a bad disposition like the people back home. James and I would get along fine. So much for him introducing me to any girls though.

I was never much of a guy to pick up women in bars, I always thought it was a bit stupid, especially since I consider myself a bit more cerebral, and don�t really look at the outside of people first. Talking to a girl I don�t know in this setting is completely worthless to me. Tonight was a bit different though. I noticed them first; two girls our age, and one of them was mouthing the lyrics to the Satchmo song on the jukebox. I told James it was our night to finally do it and just approach these two. He was nervous as hell, even after four drinks or so. I think I matched him in alcohol consumption, but I always would become more cordial, as he became withdrawn and nervous. What a match we made.

Eye contact had already been made, so I figured I had a good chance talking to them. James excused himself, and hid in the bathroom for about fifteen minutes making me do all of the �work�. Sandra, and Rebecca were their names. James eventually emerged from the bathroom and I flagged him over to their table, introduced him and offered cigarettes around the table. Rebecca(who had been mouthing the song) took one, as I did. James basically said nothing the whole time except talk about a few random people they had all known. Rebecca was drinking Bud Light unfortunately, but she seemed pretty nice. She worked at an ad agency in the city, lived with a male friend who was gay, and loved jazz. I was a bit enthralled for a few minutes anyway. Unfortunately James attempted to end the evening by asking me for a ride home �whenever you�re ready�. I explained I was having a good time, and he could probably just walk, it was only about a fifteen-minute walk�in the rain. Sandra then explained she had to go home as well and would walk with him. I was thinking to myself how ironic it was he was leaving with a girl, when it was all my idea in the first place.

I gave Rebecca a ride home, even though she lived within a mile of the place as well. As I pulled my car up to her building I noticed something on her keychain: �I�d rather be in Ohio� I asked her the significance and she told me Sandra had given it to her, she wasn�t sure why. We sat in the car and talked for a good hour, until I finally figured out she was a lesbian. I asked her if she was gay, to which she exclaimed, �yes�. I then asked if Sandra was. �No�Sandra�I should tell you something�Sandra went to high school with James, I don�t know if he told you that. She�s been in love with him for years now.�

�What?� I lit my last cigarette, but wasn�t nervous since I conveniently rented above a twenty-four hour store.

�To put it bluntly, Sandra has been following him for the past few months, since she moved back to town�

�Why hasn�t she talked to him? She seems pretty assertive�

�Well, he didn�t talk to anyone in high school, so she figured he was still anti-social�

I was remembering how nervous he was at the bar, and couldn�t figure out how the hell he left with her.

�Did he know who she was then?� I asked

�I don�t think so, she was a grade below him�

�Well Sandra, I guess I should go now, it�s getting late now.�

She got out of the car and my tail lights lit her up as I pulled away. I stopped in the store and bought a pack of cigarettes and the next day�s paper, which was still wrapped in that tight plastic strip. When I got in I put on the stereo and played �Salt Peanuts� by Bird and instantly became less depressed, and less jealous of James. James deserved some attention from a girl more than I did, I had all these great records and a head full of memories of my last girlfriend which were good memories nonetheless. I read the paper and went to bed.


There is a distinct possibility I could return here drunk tonight at 3AM and start bitching about this one, and that one, but I�m trying to cut down on that. After I started reading this diary of Rorem I have been piqued with reading other diaries of famous people. His writing is interesting to me as it�s a world I know little about. Regardless of what world he comes from, I have become interested in writing a JOURNAL again. Not writing on Diaryland about �fuck you�cocksuckers�blah blah blah� but getting back to the original intent. I�ve been accomplishing that here in the past few days I think. In some way I wish I had never told my friends about it. But then again, it�s a conversation topic in band rehearsal. A self centered one, but a topic. I must admit I feel a little odd saying to Dan and Breaux �did you guys read my entry about how I think that every single child in the world should be killed? Funny huh, people must think I�m strange�. Or Dan telling us about his newest entry with pictures of sharkboy, etc. We�ve also met some good people from here too, real live people that we have actual human emotions for. Dude, like, the internet dude.

So I received a cell phone bill for $522.80 the other day. I knew it would be a little large, but not that much. Anyway, yesterday they called me and I spoke to a man that sounded slightly retarded or�I don�t know, something.

Hi is this Christian Cam�pag..umm�Cumpag�

Yes, Cum-pine-ya.

I�m calling about your balance.

Oh yes, it is a bit high. (I opened my browser to my billing detail on the Sprint PCS website)

Yeah, can you pay that?

Actually, I�m pulling the bill up right now, as I had a couple of questions about it.

Okay, I can take master card, or a check-by-phone-

Yeah, I�m just gonna pull this up though, hold on a second�Ted?


Okay, hold on a second Joseph�.okay I got it


Do you know what a cancellation fee is, and why I have one for $150 as well as a miscellaneous charge for $34.00?

Well, if you look the cancellation fee will be credited to you on January 1st.

And I would pay that now, and have it paid back to me because?


It seems rather odd to pay something that they are going to give back to me in 2 weeks.

Yeah, it does.

Joseph, let me tell you�it SO does!

Well, you can pay $212.16 today.

I don�t have the money, I just had to pay some funeral costs recently.

Oh, I�m sorry to hear that.

Well, my wife she was a beautiful woman.

I�m sorry.

George Bush, along with his friends in the Al Quesadilla network killed her

Excuse me?

My wife, they killed her with a missile.

I don�t understand.

So I can post date a check to you for December 24th, that is the next time my bank will be filled with my money. I get a check for $25,000 each month for miscellaneous fees I need to pay and the like.

And you can only pay half of it on the 24th?

Yes, the rest of the money will be going to a charity I give to at Christmas time each year. I don�t really know what the hell it is, my wife used to give to it. Something about saving the rich from going hungry if there is ever a nuclear war.

I see, so you can post date a check?


Okay, I will post date it for the 24th, your confirmation number is�.

Thank you Joseph, and have a good day.

Thank you sir, and thank you for choosing Sprint.


This has to be one of the most ridiculous fucking things I have ever seen in my life. These people are boycotting the Two Towers movie because it is �insensitive to the events of September 11th� read it for a good laugh. This is from the FAQ page:

The creators of the movie have free speech, so what makes you think they should have to change the name of the movie?

We believe that Peter Jackson and New Line Cinema's actions are in fact hate speech. The movie is intentionally being named The Two Towers in order to capitalize on the tragedy of September 11. Clearly, you cannot deny the fact that this falls under hate speech. We believe that if they will not willingly change the name, the government should step in to stop the movie's production or to force a name change.

Don't you think that renaming the movie would tarnish JRR Tolkien's works of art?

No, we do not believe this. Many of our members are actually fans of JRR Tolkien's books, and we think that if Peter Jackson stepped in to rename the movie, it would increase, not decrease, the good things that JRR Tolkien's works have done.

Do you people seriously think you'll be successful?

We most certainly do. Several of our members were already successful at making 20th Century Fox delay the movie "Phone Booth" due to the Maryland sniper attacks.

Anyway, it�s time to put my tuxedo on.

before & after