Oh Joy!
2002-10-22 || pigeon hole fun
Soundtrack � ciccone youth � the whitey album

Pigeon holing people has always been a fun task. So last night, I came up with a list of some of the most annoying groups of people (with the help of Jodie) that exist today. This is all my stupid opinion, and I belong to some of these so, if you�re offended, you�ll be in the next post which will be �people who take things too seriously� Without further ado-

Rockabilly/Johnny Cash fan/punk rocker � This conglomeration of a million different styles is at the top of the list because of a few reasons: First being the style of dressing. In my opinion, if you�re a guy, and it looks like it took you more time to get ready than your lady friend, then we have a problem. The grease in the hair, the spiked belt, and worst of all the tattoos of nautical stars, anchors, women in martini glasses, etc. This seemed to have come out of the punk rock scene all of a sudden in the past 10 years or so. I have no idea why. Perhaps because Social Distortion told us Johnny Cash was the king of country music. I don�t mind Johnny that much, but he�s far from great in my humble opinion. Every time I see these people I giggle to myself at how stupid they look and wonder when they will grow out of it.

Kevin Smith fan � I could safely say that Clerks is one of my favorite movies of my generation. But I could also say Kevin Smith is one of the most overrated directors in existence today. One great movie doesn�t excuse a bunch of sophomoric fart jokes and tit jokes that are predominate all of his movies since then. The fan of Kevin Smith is someone I experience every time I go to the video store. The guys in there fucking love him and think he can do no wrong. Every time I rent something in there it seems they are talking about Kevin Smith. I want to go in there with a copy of a good movie like the Killing of a Chinese Bookie or something and make them watch it. These men most likely have never had sex.

The Star Wars fan � These people could easily be put in the same category as the above person. When I was a little tyke and these movies came out I remember going to see them and liking them. I remember having toys from the movies and watching them again when my dad got them on � inch video a year after the first one came out. Then I discovered electric guitars and Kiss records, and I realized there was no way I was going to get laid if I kept playing with space ships and telling the girls around the way that I thought Luke Skywalker was awesome, etc. If I recited the words to Kiss songs (�you pulled the trigger on my love gun�) I had more of a chance of getting girls to make out with me later on in life. My predictions were correct as years later upstairs at Dave Simons house I remember a particular game of spin the bottle where I got to go in the closet with 3 different girls in the span of an hour, while our friends who knew all the details of Star Wars that should have been unimportant to a little kid in the first place discussed space travel, etc. The only exception to this rule is Danzilla, who is a confirmed Star Wars fan, as well as an electric guitar solo connoisseur as well. I still stand strong that those movies all suck dog cock though.

The Doors fan � This person would do good if we sent him into the pit of an Agnostic Front show circa 1987. The Doors fan knows that Jim Morrison was THE POET. Fuck Keats. Fuck Rimbaud. Fuck cummings. Jim Morrison was the lizard king, he could do anything. The Doors fan has long hair most likely. Possibly a hemp necklace. Perhaps wears one of those puffy white shirts now and again. The Doors fan has no idea that Jerry Garcia once spoke about how he despised the Doors. Yes Jerry!

The Radiohead/experimental music fan �

This person bought Kid A the day it came out and joined the new revolution of �experimental music� that would sweep the rock music world with experimental records like the Flaming Lips � Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots, Wilco- Yankee Foxtrot Hotel, and that other Radiohead one that came out. There is nothing better than when a band goes all �experimental� on your ass and adds some trippy sounding keyboards and effects to the vocals of their by-the-numbers pop songs. It makes you feel good that you can tell people exactly how you feel about their music that is less cool than your music.

T.P.W.T.F.C.I.T.B.M.E.M (The Person Who Thinks Fight Club Is The Best Movie Ever Made) � That movie sucked, get over it.

The Woody Allen fan � The Woody Allen fan thinks that Woody can do no wrong. Even that Jade Scorpion film was amazing in the eyes of the Woody Allen fan. The Woody Allen fan likes to make obscure references when telling jokes that would make Dennis Miller proud. The Woody Allen fan is under the assumption that someday his life will reflect that of Alvy Singers and he will have that same experience.

The Janes Addiction/Perry Farrell fan � I love Janes Addition more than the next guy, and thought Porno for Pyros were okay. But Perry Farrell in general, he�s like the Jim Morrison of my generation. I don�t think there needs to be a Jim Morrison of my generation. In fact, does anyone have that snipers phone number, I have a job for him I think.

The vegetarian/vegan � These people need to be held down and force fed veal cutlets while listening to Type O Negative records at obnoxious volumes, and then they need to watch hunting shows over and over. There�s no reason I need to know you don�t eat meat.

The human being - �

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