So there I am reading my favorite elderly porn magazine �silver foxes� when my phone rings. It�s $$$$ $$$$$$$$ and he wants me to come to his house. I politely decline, and go about my business like I like to do.

I haven�t written anything real serious in here in a long ass time it seems.XXXXXXxxxxxxXXXXX

Xxxxxxxx

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx I started feeling a little violated or just plain bored or something. Something I said, or xxxxxxxxxx

something that would be put in my guestbook would get XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXsomeone into trouble. So it�s seemed like a waste of time.

Then

I realized, like this weekend, I don�t goxxxxxxxxxxxxxXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX out anymore. I don�t go out and talk to anyone

either.

xxxxxxxxxx

This weekend, I went out on Saturday afternoon with Dan

XXXXX xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xXXXXXXXxxx

xxxxxxxx, and then went out for about 20 minutes or so at night, got scared, and came back home at 9:30 and haven�t left since. I didn�t even really look outside today. I worked on the guitar coming up with a song until I realized I was �working� on a song and threw the guitar on to the other side of the bed. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXI don�t ever wan

t to have to use the word �work� and �songwriting� in the same fucking sentence again. In essence, composing is �working�, but it�s not �work��in my opinion anyway. To me it�s release. It�s filtering something that�s already there. All of the fucking music in the world has been

written already, nobody is going to write anything good again. It�s up to

live performers to channel it out there though. I get so bored with �rock� music now, and playing the game, and all that shit. Last night I did some stuff for the band, and just going into some of these websites about getting gigs, and looking at clubs where we could possibly get gigs I wondered if it was even worth it. Well, it�s worth it because the 4 of us like to do it. But is it worth it for all of these others? I wonder sometimes if they feel the way I do in rehearsal

SSSSSSSSSS. The kid writing xXXX XXXXXXXXXXXX

his redundant metal song for mass appeal, I wonder if he feels the same as when I realize

e making so much white noise in our

fjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjroom, nobody could possibly be happy if they happen to be walking by us.

So I buy the new releases here and there that come out hoping for some sort of glimmer of hope, andoncethewhiteguyopenshismouth, I need to h

xxxxxxxxxit the stop button. Frank Zappa was correct �shut up and play your guitar�. I can see the appeal of it all, and understand why I�m supposed to like the

CCCCCCCCCCCCCnew Flaming Lips record or whatever, but am I going to give a shit in a year when I ownXXXXXXXX 10 more xXXXXXXXXXX

Records

that blow it out of the wat

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXer? No, I�m not. So why not sell it and get something truly �experimental�.

And also XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

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XXXXXX

XXX

X

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XXXXXXXX

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXX

XX

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Oh, and also.

have no fucking clue what it is, but it�s more �generation x� than how I feel day to day. Slacker. The highlight of your life is leaving your house to go into the city and break some guys/girls heart from time to time. You have been warned now sir, take it with a grain of salt, or let us tell you the whole truth nothing but the truth so help me god. I feel like I should just move out of here. It�s a joke around here. I have people I love, yet I laugh at them to myself. I laugh at people I don�t understand. Sorry, there�s nothing profound there. I once met a man who had no idea 411 existed to get phoe numbers. Imagine being that ignorant? That to me is as ignorant as going out of your way to be a fucking asshole. That�s as ignorant as what happens at 3:42AM on an average Saturday night. Date rape of a different kind. Budweiser flavored blow jobs. Flirting with a mirror with a blindfold on. I have trust in me and how I feel now. I feel like I should feel. I feel like I did 10 years ago. This guy. Let me introduce myself. Which part of me did you want to meet? Which part of you would you like me to play games with? Your head? Okay, no problem. It�s easy ready�on your mark, get set, and go�.I don�t want anyone to pay attention to this now. Please stop reading from here on out I just remembered something that needs to be written down.I don�t want anyone reading this please and thank you. Okay, stop reading now. Thanks�Sex and drugs and rock and roll. Let me say how hand in hand Xxxxxxxx

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx I started feeling a little violated or just plain bored or something. Something I said, or xxxxxxxxxx

something that would be put in my guestbook would get XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXsomeone into trouble. So it�s seemed like a waste of time.

Then

I realized, like this weekend, I don�t goxxxxxxxxxxxxxXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX out anymore. I don�t go out and talk to anyone

either.

I want it all developed. Developed over a ten year period. I want books and tapes and walks and drives. I don�t want the stupid oh what�s you�re name. I�ll leave that to the teenagers of my life. I�ll leave that behind, in the back seat of shitty American sedans and dirty apartments with roaches and beer cans all over the place. Leave it to the zombies of the area.

vvvvvv

late night games of tag and hide and seek I like to sit back and watch the kids ring around the rosey. It�s a bit sad how people regress in mobs. Mobs, large groups. They get together and all of a sudden muscles are flexed and cocks are pulled out for size comparison. It bothers me that I know some of these people. It bothers me yes; to a point of wrapping my arms around the cool white toilet and vomiting out any memories live performers to channel it out there though. I get so bored with �rock� music now, and playing the game, and all that shit. Last night I did some stuff for the band, and just going into some of these websites about getting gigs, and looking at clubs where we could possibly get gigs I wondered if it was even worth it. Well, it�s worth it because the 4 of us like to do it. But is it worth it for all of these others? I wonder sometimes if they feel the way I do in rehearsal

SSSSSSSSSS. The kid writing xXXX XXXXXXXXXXXX

his redundant metal song for mass appeal, I wonder if he feels the same as when I realize

e making so much white noise in our

fjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjroom, nobody could possibly be happy if they happen to be walking by us.

So I buy the new releases here and there that come out hoping for some sort of glimmer of hope, andoncethewhiteguyopenshismouth, I need to h

xxxxxxxxxit the stop button. Frank Zappa was correct �shut up and play your guitar�. I can see the appeal of it all, and understand why I�m supposed to like the

CCCCCCCCCCCCCnew

and they lived in a one room apartment for the rest of their lives!

before & after