Oh Joy!
2002-09-23 || autumnal equinox
soundtrack � miles davis � bitches brew

I am going to throw up all over this fucking keyboard. who doesn�t want to?

I turned the car around over and over and over again

I don�t want to run into anyone

I want to run into people

I don�t want to run into anyone though

yeah, it rained I know

and they�re still fighting in the middle east

perhaps we should just shoot nuclear bombs at every single country in the middle east

perhaps we should kill anyone who still believes in god

perhaps I should stay here

nobody needs to know my opinions

they are all phony


I don�t want to go out and be lied to and yelled at

I don�t want to fuck ever again

I don�t want to kiss anyone ever again

I don�t want to look anyone in the eye ever again

I don�t want to look at the sky and say �wow, what a nice day it is outside�

they don�t get it

none of them ever get it

don�t tell me what I want and need

I lie too fucking much for my own good

not to anyone who matters

to the world

I want to say go fuck yourselves and have a good night

I have friends who play trumpets and beat women to get me through the night

I have friends who yell at the rhythm section for playing too much

I don�t have time to tell anyone my life story anymore

I certainly don�t at this age

this age is the age when I figure out

is it live?

I want to do something that nobody will notice

that�s all

I don�t need this fucking thing to come across like a gentleman

or a crazy motherfucker

I am neither

I am a useless piece of shit

who had his heart broken 5 years ago

got over it in a week

and now has no idea how to get that feeling back



neither of them are in my vocabulary anymore

if they are

it�s in my thesaurus

�love� means �let�s fuck now�

�heartbreak� means �she doesn�t want to fuck me now�

muscles just stretch they don�t break

the weak suffer from heartbreak

I suffer from anxiety

the anxiety that I won�t find another like my exes that I really loved

the anxiety that they are not only bad mouthing me

but stealing money from my bank account

stealing my ideas for stories

and telling me that I am worthy of an award

I am going to win the award

�worlds biggest waste of time�

I�m not depressed

I haven�t been depressed since august 10th 1995

I can�t get depressed

it�s not in me anymore

wow that building is on fire

I don�t feel so well

let�s go buy some sun ra records instead

they promise to call

they promise to do favors

I end up throwing the cell phone against the wall yet again

they lie

why do they lie?

who the fuck do they think I am?

I had a fine fucking week in july

I have had a series of dreams since then

here�s what happens:

I am on a boat in the ocean somewhere, not far from the coast, in front of me is a bible, a red head, and a bottle of whiskey. I jump into the water and swim to shore. When I get to the shore, I see all of my friends on the boat waving to me laughing and pointing. The red head is on her knees sucking the cock of my �best friend� in the dream, the bible is open and there is a woman reading from it, the bottle of whiskey floats to the shore with a note in it. I have no way to open the bottle.

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