Shit, it�s September 11th right now. Oh wait, it�s September 10th actually. I wonder if we will get attacked. Perhaps as a joke, and I wish the government had a sense of fun in them like me. I think on September 11th, we should invade Spain. I have no idea why Spain, but we should invade Spain and crash airplanes into buildings in Spain.

I�m not going outside anymore. I�m not. Today I stayed in the house all day by myself and drove myself fucking crazy. When I spend too much time by myself, I go nutty. I think too much. I need to keep thinking. I need to keep on keeping on. But I need to let go of social activity right now. Go back to 1998-1999. Those were the 2 years I had nothing. I didn�t do anything for 2 years of my life. I can�t remember where I was during those 2 years. I can�t remember who I was with. I can�t remember who I was pissing off, who I was in love with, who was in love with me. Oh yeah, nobody. See, you are better off doing things solo most of the time. It works out in the end for everyone. I get too close and I turn into another man completely . I can turn it on and turn it off easily. Watch me:

�blues in G#�

You fuck the bartender and he gives you free drinks

You fuck the man you meet at alcoholics anonymous and you get closer to God

You fuck the coke dealer and you get to see the sunrise more than the rest of us

You fuck me and you get absolutely nothing

I don�t give out details

I don�t put down the cards on the table

This is why I feel like a piece of shit right now

I�m unable to act like a man when I feel like a boy

I�m unable to discuss anything but rock music

Tonight, I shut myself off from the world, stayed in the key of G#

I pledge allegiance to the man who brought me here tonight

�thank you!�

When I go out in the morning, it always feels like I should act

I feel like I should just do it

She�s waiting for me, I know it

She�s waiting for me to say something

I keep the stupid fa�ade going though

I keep myself amused I guess

When I think back to when I really, really didn�t care

That�s when I realize it�s all okay now

�wait, this is easy, watch me�

I lifted weight for 45 minutes today

I didn�t think of my ex-girlfriend from ten years ago who fucked this one and that one

I didn�t think about the ones that ran away screaming

I look in the mirror and get angry at myself

I don�t put the stupid heavy music on because I�m lifting weights

Bill Evans, a glass of water

I need to connect with this again

The steel heals

The steel disciplines me

The lustful man is gone at this point

I never want to even think about shaking another persons hand again

At least until I figure out why I am three different people at once

There�s the silent man perusing the books while glancing shyly at the wire rimmed redhead

There�s the romantic boy with the thorn in his side

And the guy from the corner singing doo-wop songs with his boys

Fuck all three of those cocksuckers

Fuck all three of them

Until someone tells me that they�ve met all three of them

I stay put

Inside this room

Inside this big dumb head

Inside this stupid existence of allworkandnoplaymakeschristianacrazyboy

before & after