-James Brown-

I baked a Marlon Brando bundt cake for my ex-wife. inside of the cake, I put some wrinkled up dollar bills, and the keys to her hope chest. I loved that woman. She thought my obsession with travel brochures was too much. she is now on my list of "top whores". I loved her though, this isn't fair.

-Marvin Gaye-

He asked me when I would come by with his tools. I mentioned to him that if he let me have those pictures he took of his sister, I would bring the tools over, and give him my copy of Frank Zappa - Hot Rats (cassette).

-Janet Jackson-

At the time of my 21st birthday, I made my way to the liquor store and told the man behind the counter that if he saw the guy in the picture (me) come in to the store, to immediately call my wife, and then lock me in.

-Jeffrey Osborne-

We had an aunt that made this meatloaf that had chocolate chips in it. Now, when I was a little kid. Now, when I think back to this. I make myself try to make sense of all of it. When I was a little kid. We had an aunt that lived upstairs, she made this meatloaf with chocolate chips and garlic. We had this awful aunt that made us watch PBS and eat meatloaf with garlic and chocolate chips. We had this goddamned fucking aunt.

-Lou Rawls-

TRY SPENDING SOME FUKING TIME PAYINGG ATTENTION YOU MUTHIRFUCKRS! TRY SPENDING SOME MORE TIME PYAING MOER ATENTTION TO DETAILS AND LISTENIN TO WHEN PEOPLE SAY SHIT TOO MANY OF YOU MOUTHERFUKIRS ARE LIKE THIS I FUICKING HATE THIS FUKCING SHIT. WHTAT DO IT HAYVE TO DO?

-Lionel Richie-

It's hard to imagine a better summer than this one. The last time I had a really, really good summer, was the summer I made my way to the Canadian border and was stopped. I turned my car around and a chase ensued. When they caught me, I told them I was not gay, so they should let me go.

-Louis Armstrong-

I don�t trust women, well. I don�t listen to them, they are all full of shit. Even my friends, and I�ll tell them. I�ll tell them how fucked they all are. I want to surround myself with women more than I do, I think it�s healthy for me. They seem to always help me out. I just got out of the recording studio, and all I got were a bunch of dumb songs allegedly about girls. I want to re-cut all the singing, as I don�t even want to give them the satisfaction of talking shit about them anymore. I�d rather they just leave me the fuck alone, and then maybe the men will leave me the fuck alone. I don�t want to leave this house for the rest of the year, next time I leave, it will be like this

before & after