In work, on a Friday�waiting to get out of here so I can go see Mission of Burma this evening. I hate the club they are playing at, and I hate the fact that the gig is sold out, but what can you do?

So it seems like I�ve gone out drinking more now that I don�t drink, than when I did drink. I went out with some people from work last night again. Every time I go out and witness the consumption of alcohol by a group of people it validates my point of what a complete fucking loser a person is when they are drunk. It�s so obnoxious and annoying to me, I think I�d rather suck a priests cock in front of Jesus Christ than get drunk again and look like that. Why I ever even thought that was an appealing thing to do is beyond comprehension. Anyway, just an opinion. There should be more drunk driving accidents, there haven�t been as many lately. I wish you fucks would drink more and drive more. It�s a good time, as long as you don�t hit me.

I can play the banjo, as well as the electric guitar. I can play the harmonica if I really try. I can play the piano. I can play the mandolin. I can�t however, play basketball very well, I can�t talk Portuguese, and I certainly can�t fathom why someone would ever listen to anything that involved Don Henley. I can walk slow. I can�t walk faster.

Why don�t we smoke a cigarette and think this over, I feel like I might throw up.

One night, I got so fucked up I threw a man off of the balcony. I knew he would land in the pool. We were on the 3rd floor, and the deep end of the pool hugged the building. He landed in the pool. I immediately threw a full can of Bud light down to him.

One night, I got so fucked up I threw a molotov cocktail into a crowded movie theatre showing a movie involving a big ship that sinks. I ran until I hit the liquor store. Walked in, paid my money, and went home.

One night, I got so fucked up I shot a man.

One night, I got so fucked up, I ended up going home with a 15 year old girl, who was deaf in one ear, and had some sort of cancer.

One night, I got so fucked up I called my whole family over and over from a payphone in downtown Everett, Massachusetts.

the lyrics to this next song are about how I fucked your girlfriend behind your back one night

the lyrics to this next song are about how I almost purposely drove my car off the mountain

this guy asks me one night

we have three new songs in the band now. imagine if we had four.

I have four different reasons why I think white people are no good:

1) mayonnaise

2) don henley

3) inventing helium

4) the Los Angeles Kings (circa 1977)

my top 5 reasons I think women are no good and shouldn�t be trusted

1) the Lifetime Channel

2) Ani Difranco and Sarah McLachlan (tie)

3) the word �panties�

4) St Louis, MO

5) Frosted Flakes

my top 6 reasons I think people just all around stink

1) they are weak, and let women run their lives (men mostly)

2) inability to pay attention in driving school

3) sheep

4) allowing people like George W. Bush to exist

5) Mayor Rudy Gulianni

6) funding Art Garfunkels solo career

So I decided I was going to try and get the FBI to see me. I want an FBI file on me. I�ve sent a few random e-mails to the president that make no sense whatsoever. I am ready for a life of seeing men in suits walking around parked in front of my house, etc. This should keep me entertained. What else am I going to do to get on the cover of Time magazine finally? I guess I could kill someone a whole lot of people like. I won�t say any names in here, as it�s public. But let�s say forget it, I�m going to get a file a lot quicker, and kill someone a whole lot of you like. I will kill them, and hold their head up high on live television, and then I will turn my 12 gauge pump shotgun to my mouth and blow my head halfway to fucking Jupiter.

before & after