How bad I just want to kill sometimes. It�s a bit strange to think how easy of an act it is to pull the trigger of a gun. Is it really that much harder if there is a human being in the line of fire of the gun? Especially in the midst of the raging anger we all face here and there. I guess there are some people who don�t have this in them, but I sometimes think that if I had a gun, and I knew I could get away with it, I would have no problem ethically, murdering some person for pissing me off. Who knows what the after affects would be like? Would it really stick in your head for the rest of your life. Would I fill with so much guilt I would have to go turn myself in? Or would I just forget about it eventually. I imagine the day after you kill your first human being is like no other feeling in the world. Some sort of mixed feeling somewhere between paranoia, and guilt, fueled with tons of adrenaline. I imagine you wouldn�t be able to sleep, the apprehensive picking up the phone over and over because you think you should tell someone what you did. I don�t think I would tell anyone really. I have tons of secrets that nobody knows. I have secret lives nobody knows about, and never will, I�m not going to tell anyone about that stuff. Not that it�s bad, or even worthy of anything, but it is my business, and it�s best kept in my private diary, and my other diaryland diary. So if I did kill someone, I definitely wouldn�t tell anyone. Now if a friend came to me and told me they killed someone, forget it. I would tell every fucking person I know and not care a bit about it. My theory is �Nobody should be kept in the dark, about anything� Do yourself a favor, don�t tell me if you want it to be a secret, it�s not going to last.

So our next gig is next Friday thank God. I hate trying to get gigs. I�m looking forward to this one as it�s in our neighborhood. Driving equipment into the city for a gig is a hassle, and most of those gigs just seem to suck shit anyway. The people are phony, and basically are there to either drink, or look at women. There�s no room in my musical career to cater to those people. Losers use booze, we all know that by now! It should be illegal right? Right on dude.

Last night the music transcended anything I heard from them before. The rhythm section was on fire, and I can�t even explain it without sounding like some sort of hippie freak. I�ll just say the whole thing was the best I�d seen them. Could have been the drugs though.

Drugs are for winners, booze is for losers! Boozers are losers. I can�t picture myself going to the bars now, as much as I did last year and the year before. I can�t believe I was one of those people. There are people that live for that shit. The cannibal market will be having a sale on lean liver in a few weeks, care to donate? Or would you like to donate your blood soaked steering wheel and windshield to the local Mothers Against Drunk Driving chapter? I remember driving drunk here and there. Swerving around the road, not remembering how I made it home. If I had slammed into someone just driving around, I would want to be killed myself if I became that statistic. Meeting someone at a bar is about as interesting as meeting someone at a fucking tupperware party, a bunch of people who have either nothing to say, or stand too fucking close to me and spit in my ear when they talk to me about nothing and the nice ass across the room.

I got bitched at in work today because I said that the people pulling the hoaxes with anthrax are funny. Anytime you can get people worked up over nothing, and scare a bunch of people, especially us dumb Americans, it�s funny. Granted, the actual situation that is happening with the anthrax isn�t funny, nor is terrorists attacking innocent people in any country, but I think watching people give in to all the hype is a bit funny.

OOOOOh

It�s cold out, which feels good to the face

before & after