You ever get to the point where you go beyond caring what people are going to think? The point where you realize you are after all in this all alone. No matter what they say, no matter what they do. You really don�t need to care. You can lie and lie and lie, and be dishonest, tell stories. In the long run, you know it really doesn�t make any difference. I tend to not try and get too serious, especially in here. This is a place I can talk all the shit in the world, and in the long run, that�s all it is, a bunch of words on a screen that a bunch of strangers read. I can imagine what people must think sometimes. It�s a bit funny. I would think the average person would pin me as this homophobic, racist, misogynist, music snob. I guess one of those things is true, otherwise I wouldn�t talk about how great a feeling it is to know in my heart that Captain Beefheart is a million times more important than Radiohead. J I enjoy getting a rise out of people, I can�t get embarrassed over things, as again, it�s just words. Take them as you will. Read whatever you want, believe what you want to believe. My friends in real life know me I guess, enough to know how I am I guess. I feel very good right now. I am in a good mood for the first time in a couple weeks. Good things happen in threes I think. I don�t need to tell people why I am in a good mood, I don�t need to tell people why I�m in a bad mood. I guess when I spend just an hour by myself a night I start to feel good about things.

I was drunk in a playground on an unusually warm night and I felt like I was 15 years old again. All the courage and confidence a boy can have. Unfortunately, I always make myself out to be the dumb one and I wait. I felt drunk, yet I wasn�t drunk. I hadn�t touched booze in a long time. I guess I was drunk on honesty and dishonesty at the same time. Who feels like this?

I was high on this mountain. I drove for fucking hours out of my way and thought of everyone I knew for a few minutes at a time. A year or so later I would write a song about my �favorite and worst� travel day of my whole life. I thought about the solo traveling last night, and remembered the day vividly�

I left the hotel early. I was staying in Knoxville, TN that night. It was very fucking hot, I was still on the early trip high, I hadn�t really gotten burned out yet, that would come later on. I was about to drive 700 miles in one day. In the midst of it, hit the Blue Ridge Parkway, which would kill three hours of the ride. What should have been a 7 hour drive, and a 475 mile drive, turned into a trip filled with some amazing sights, panic attacks, paranoid delusions of driving the car off of the mountain, trying to call people back home and not being able to reach them. I finally arrived in Knoxville at around 10 pm or so. I remember hitting Tennessee and the sky was strawberry. I had never seen anything like that. I thought I was there, but I still had a couple hours left. The air was as thick as pea soup that night. When I finally got out of the car, I noticed I was staying across a Mobil gas station with a store called �Starvin� Marvins� in it.

Regardless of what anyone might say to the contrary, there are people out in the backyard.

before & after