It�s almost 11Am on Monday, and I guess I should be at work. I�m not though. I needed this rest bad. Angela called me late Friday afternoon and asked if I wanted to go up to New Hampshire with Dan and Renee to pick something up at the place Renee�s aunt owns. I agreed, and we ended up staying all weekend. It was pretty nice to get away from here for a weekend. I really don�t like it much around here. I like the few friends I see here and there. But for the most part, I enjoyed the solitude of where we were and not having service on my phone was another plus in a way. Right now I feel like I have enough on my plate with the band, work, Angela and such. I�m feeling drained though. I am using up a lot of energy. I think it�s the running around every day. Coming home after work, and going right out immediately after to practice, and then going out after that for another couple hours. This has to stop it�s not really helping my well being. I�m still a grumpy asshole most of the time, so who am I trying to kid. Angela witnessed a small episode of me getting pissed off yesterday morning when we were getting ready to leave. I wish she hadn�t though. I don�t really have a temper anymore, but I think yesterday morning I just needed coffee. The one thing about travelling with others I forgot about is compromise. I�m so used to traveling by myself that I forget there are other people in the car that may want to hear something different, or eat somewhere different. Share. The other thing is, girls always have to go to the bathroom. When girls have to go to the bathroom they HAVE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM. This didn�t happen this weekend though. My summer road trips I wouldn�t go for that anyway. I know if I had a girl with me and she had to go to the bathroom in the middle of a five hour non-stop run down a highway twenty minutes after we already stopped I would hand her a cup� : ) Anyway, Dan�s sister and her boyfriend came on Saturday, and it was a horror movie waiting to happen. The �men� decided that we needed to get some food for the group and we left�4 bags of Chinese food, three baseball hats, a used road map, and two hours later we found our way home. We really were in the middle of nowhere, so once we left the restaurant that took an hour or so to find, we got lost on the way back, I mean LOST. Stubborn men do not ask for directions. Anyway, after three weekends now of hanging out with Angela two or three days of the weekend, I�ve decided that it is a good thing. I�m able to be with her for a long period of time and not kill each other. Last night when I got back, I went out with Stefanie. It was strange as I felt like I really missed Angela and having her next to me. It�s a strange feeling having someone make you feel nice like that just when they sit next to you, or when they walk into the room. I need a shave badly.

Stephanie and I took a ride to New Hampshire last night. I�m such an idiot. I come home from New Hampshire, and the first thing I do is�go back. Her and I have a history of long rides though. Her and Heather are going to Iceland on Tuesday for four days, so I wanted to see her again. I�m glad that we have a friendship again. It was a little shaky for a while there. Heather and her are two of my best friends I guess. So I�m happy I�m back in touch with them. Even though I never lost touch. Well, we sort of did.

My views of drinking are still back and forth nowadays. I was around a little bit of it over the weekend, and I pretty much ignore it now. It�s now been four months since I�ve even had a sip of anything with alcohol in it. I still can�t really stand the game though. I have to keep it to myself. I have to hold it in. Compromise. I�m not going to tell someone what they should and shouldn�t do, unless it affects my friendship, or relationship, or it seems like it�s a bad thing. But hey, if someone wants to be a sheep, who am I to pass judgement? I�ve decided to never do it again. There were a few times in the past month where I said �I think I�ll drink tonight� I�m glad I avoided it though. It�s just one more unnecessary poison I don�t need in my body. I have enough as it is with the caffeine, nicotine, and THC. Drinking doesn�t do anything for me except make me sick. Funny how it does that to me in more than one way. I like to think that it was an experiment. I like to think it was a lie I was living. I like to think it was a way to get something out of me for good. I�m glad I�m like this. It�s money I don�t need to spend. It�s time I don�t need to waste. It�s one night I didn�t need to act like a complete moron. I can�t think of a night where I think I may have acted really cool when I was drunk. I can�t think of one person I�ve met in a bar or party situation who I think was worthy of anything more than �oh another person being led into mediocrity� The amount of complete losers at the bars in Salem on any given night is pretty stunning. Girls that are good looking on the outside, but ugly on the inside because they have this blotch on their resume. �I�m into music, reading, I go to school, I live in the city, I have red hair, green eyes, and I have absolutely no soul whatsoever, and I need to drink to feel secure tonight, hiding behind the fact that �I�m having fun�� Most of these folks will either live a boring mediocre life doing the same fucking thing every weekend, or they will end soon, the victim of a tree through the windshield, or a hospital bed with a Swiss cheese liver. Either way, I couldn�t care less, and I still, as of today, refuse to fall into it. I don�t need it, and never will. If I haven�t enjoyed it up until now, I don�t stand a chance of ever liking it. Even the people I know and love that do it make me laugh a little inside. But I keep it inside now. Let them have what they call fun. I�d much rather be home jerking off, or reading, or playing guitar. There are way too many rings to jump through to stop and check out that whole lifestyle. I�m not acting anymore. I want to be myself. This is it, completely. Fuck your one social drink with dinner, and fuck your nineteen drinks at the party. You�re all a bunch of fucking weaklings and you know it. I�ll be outside waiting in the car.

I want to get back on the road now. I had a small taste of travel on the weekend, and now I miss the road. I miss driving miles and miles with a destination. I miss the mystery of the road, and the meeting people. Strangers for a few minutes, and strangers for the rest of the trip. Faces going by like the ones you see passing you on a train. States you have no business being in. The band has a new song called �Michael Douglas� This song is about my experiences with traveling around the states. The chorus is �Oh Virginia�and Tennessee� I can�t remember the rest though, so don�t ask. Definitely the catchiest song we have yet. I seem to always write songs about girls, whether they are ones I know, or ones I make up in my mind. I needed to write something else that takes up space in my head. I haven�t felt disappointed in a little while, so I go to that part of me I guess.

I can�t get into Sarah�s diary for some reason again�. : (

I need to get up and shave and shower so I can �rest� today.

before & after