It feels like Friday night right now. I have one half day of work left, and then�I work at the record shop Saturday, and Sunday, so I really get one day off. As far as I�m concerned, I could not take a day off for a month, and be happy. I only need the days off when I go on vacation; as much as I like the freedom you feel, the days I have where I always have to be somewhere feel just as good. It keeps me in line, knowing I have shit to do. That�s why my vacations weren�t really traditional vacations the past few years. Phish tour. I always had to be somewhere by 8pm. But that was obviously a little different. The anxiousness prior to a Phish show is much different than the anxiousness one experiences on the way to work. Angela just left. We watched Fast Times at Ridgemont High, after an unsuccessful stab at Showgirls. We did watch the pool scene though. Heh. I could lay there with her all night. I�m such a bore sometimes, not sure how anyone would want to hang with me. Oh well. I'm happy I guess.

So today at the office some guy kept calling us and giving one of the guys a hard time. Me being the �Customer Service Director� I took the guy on. He called again. I was on the phone for twenty-four minutes with him. He was one strange cat. First he gave this introduction, and said he had cerebral palsy, or MS or something like that. He said I had to call him Dennis, and he would call me Chris. I hate when people call me Chris. He was from �The Big D, Dallas, you know what I�m talking about?� So finally he gets to the point, he starts asking about this woman piano player we have on the label. He wants to order this video of her. This is when it started getting�weird. Here�s a bit of the conversation as best I can remember (at this point I had him on speakerphone as well):

Is that a good video Chris?

Not sure Dennis, I�ve not seen it.

Chris, would you say she�s the female Jerry Lewis of piano playing?

I hope not Dennis, I�d say she�s the female Jerry Lee Lewis of piano actually. Jerry Lewis is a comedian, funny, but as far as I know, he doesn�t play piano.

Why would you say that�s a good video Chris?

I haven�t seen the video Dennis.

Yeah, but you said it was probably a good video, why did you say that?

Because she�s a good pianist, and she�s an attractive-

She what?(panting)

She�s an attractive woman.

(panting more) She�s a good woman, what does she do in that video that would make it a good video.

I haven�t seen the video Dennis, but she plays the piano, and-

What�(panting, fumbling noises in background)

And she�s an attractive woman.

At this point I knew he must have been some perverted guy that wanted someone to tell him about women piano players, and beat off probably. I secretly pressed the mute button on my headset, as the office listened, and said �I bet this video would be good to beat off to Dennis�

Eventually, I got him off the phone. For some reason, crazy people seem to levitate towards me, and I will always talk to them for as long as possible. When I went away, I was in Knoxville, Tennessee, and this homeless guy was sitting in Waffle House next to me, and talking to me for quite a bit. I ended up buying his coffee and toast for him, and left. He followed me outside and asked if I was going west. I was, to Nashville, but I just said �no�. Who knows, I could have never told this story if I took him with me. He could have been a drifting serial killer. Perhaps just a drifter, but when I�m on the road by myself, I can�t be bothered with extra company. The road, and the music is enough to keep me entertained for hours. There�s always this strange feeling when I first get out there. It�s a mixture of happiness, and dread. I dread certain parts of it (can you say Pennsylvania?), but love others. (Blue Ridge Mountains at 10 in the morning blaring the 7.2.98 Ghost on Jeremy�s CD and calling him and asking him what he�s doing �getting ready for work, want to know what I�m doing?� �No�, �I�m on the Blue Ridge Mountain Parkway stoned at 10 in the morning on my way to see Phish in three days while you get ready for work�. The road makes me feel so good though. When the loneliness, mixed with panic attacks sets in though, fuck. I had a few of these episodes. The worst one was in 1999, when I was in Virginia Beach, I had 6 more shows to see, including that night outside of Baltimore. On my way to Baltimore, I pulled over and called the hotels and cancelled. I then drove to Boston, from Virginia Beach, stopping twice. 10 am, until a little after midnight. That was an awful drive. I remember having to feel �almost home� when I hit Washington DC, and then again in New York City. Another.�5 hours, great. Funny thing is, I came home saying I didn�t want to see the band again, and in a day I was seeing them again in Massachusetts, and then drove back down to New Jersey to see them by myself one night, and then one night in Atlantic City. That was another �panic attack� night. For some reason I thought I was going to get killed in Atlantic City and had to leave immediately, skipping yet another Phish show to drive home. This year I did it better though. I did a week and a half by myself, and then met up with Jeremy. Even though I may have said �this is why travelling alone is better� at one point, I don�t think I meant it. I remember how great it was to meet up with him in New Jersey. I had been road worn already. We went to Atlantic City with no plan, except to see the band the next night in northern New Jersey. We got a great hotel room at a cheesy hole-in-the-wall, with a great �balcony�, and tried to have as much fun as one can in Atlantic City. That was probably the best night of the year in retrospect. We had a great time. The era.

I�m still drinking this espresso based drink at 2 in the morning. I only ate one meal today. I didn�t have time to eat again. Work was filled with stress, deadlines, and then release. The release comes about ten minutes into the drive home usually. Once I get on the highway, leaving Cambridge feels good. The release continues into the night. Hanging with Angela, and now sitting here, thinking about her, and listening to 5 Dylan CD�s on random (John Wesley Harding, Freewheelin�, Blood on the Tracks, Nashville Skyline, and Desire, which I am finally starting to dig more as an album, rather than just �Hurricane�). Sort of an odd mix of albums, but they�ve been in the changer for a couple days now. I go through these Dylan phases all the time. I got the Biograph box last week, so I�m �back on�. Other good music I�ve been digging lately: Duster, Beta Band, Neurosis, Today is the Day, Radiohead, old school Fleetwood Mac (pre Stevie Nicks, Peter Green-blues era, it sounds nothing like Rumors or that stuff), Braid, New Order, XTC, Biz Markie, and much more.

Fuck it�s late. The boy feels �normal�.

before & after